unlucky me

today is hectic we had to cook and all cause we are having a great dinner.

the usual on friday i get up early for tennis. ten aftertennis we went marketing and eat breakfast and finally we went to carefour to shop. on the way back well i drop a ketchup bottle on the sidewalk .... arggggh i feel so embarass thats all i got to say really

singapore outing and weather

I shall start with the terrible weather in singapore ....

IT HAS BEEN RAINING CATS AND DOGS SINCE 1 AM YESTERDAY AND ITS STILL RAINING ..... ITS AMAZING >>> COULD THIS BE ASIAN SNOW????will update on whether when it stops ... hehe


besides that i got to meet up with some other teenstreet friends again. those who were from singapore. Cheryl and Eunice , the two girls who were in my net group
we met up in bugis and well we walked around looking for something to eat ... ended eating at terra i had alio and fish and chips with them , we shared .

then after dinner we decided to walk around and we went into the picture store to takme sticker pics so nice and so cute !!!!! then we went to find a pay phone to call my mum but at that moment tua yi called me so good. We then continued to shop.... and talk and shop and talk thats about it but it was great to catch up with them

greta outing hope to do it again :)

reunion with old friends

hey people,
heres another entry .
i got up this morning to play tennis wasnt that enthusiastic but i did then well had breakfast i had mee rojak . then well went home to bath and wait for Seong Seong, Ying Ying, Jia Lin, Su Hwei, Su En......

they came we hardly did anything but talk and catch up. and we ate a lot and drank a lot.. we met up with yu li , Vicki , Michelle, Charis and Grace there ...b we sort of talked during fries
i think we had to most fun when they come back to my house and we acted out PDL drama again for them so funny !!! getting sick of it already though !

i tell you my eating habits today was horrendous man ... i ate so much and still felt hungry which is very weird ... i had like cabonara , then i had ice cream , then i had some fries and finally a Taco Fishball.
I am also sick for some reason dunno where it came fro. i have been having sore throat for a few days now and now flu has started. sigh ........... miss him loads i wonder what he is doing now !!!!! whatever you are doing take care !!!

just another day .......

well i got up today at like 7 something my body just woke me up so i had to wake up. anyway it was a good thing so that i could follow dad to KL to get my IELTS results. Man i was seriously scared .... my stomach wasnt feeling well this morning when i got up .... i went up and then to the reception desk of IDP and well asked for my results . she gave it to me and i looked at the whole page but i just couldnt find it but when i saw 7.5 overall i was so happy its way more than i expected.

just been thinking a lot lately about the camp really miss it loads and well the friends i met there. i also miss him loads well great news is i might be able to see him in singapore thats all i got to say for now ... til next entry

small teenstreet reunion

i went out to Sunway to meet up with Leon :) .... just saying that name makes me smile .Along the way i also met up with some people from teenstreet as well. I saw Shu Lynn there then some Phillipinoes and finally the brunei girls :) . mostly spent time with Leon.
We walked around the mall talking while waitting for the movie which was eragon and it was going to start at 4. he actually got a seat earlier which was on the N row and had to get one for me on the P row so well we were sort of separated but well during the movie he just came sat next to me anyway. The movie was slightly boring but being with him made me so comfortable. I actually fell asleep on him haha since it was so boring . He paid for everything which was such a gentleman of him. We even had root beer after that . I actually felt very comfortable with him. Eventhough he says he is a kampung boy and all but i like him for the way he is. i dont care whether he has a chinese accent even when he speaks perfect english.....

During the last walk before i left him, i told him i'll miss him and he said he will miss me too XD. and we hugged at the entrance before we left each other :) so sweet . its so sad i dont have a pic of him sigh ...... and he lives in perlis which is so far. I dont think i will ever see him again and even the rest of that gang :(.....awwww.........

He told me something which seemed really meaningful and sweet. During the Planet Shakers concert , the pastor suddenly spoke about blood issues. And well he decided to pray for those who had it and Leon reached out to me in his prayer to God . This i find very sweet as he was thinking about me !!!!!

Last thing to add he has been Smsing me everyday which i find really sweet of him to show he actually cares about me .

picture post for teenstreet

Gospel Ninja
Denise one of the speakers
Melanie one of the other speakers
Lonely days play
The very funny play

This is me and Eunice ( mission girl ) YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!

This is Abby the girl i got close with on the first day of camp we talked alot during the night.

This is Cheryl and me .. DO you believe me now? she is stick thin right ?

My emotional partner and I ------> Te May . Love you girl :)

This is one of the speakers Chris and his daughter Kimberlisa. Isn't she cute ?

This is the group i hanged out with, which consist of me, Serene, Te may, Abby, Jocelyn, Jessica, Henna and finally Alyssa.
This is Dan and Suzie Potter. Our speakers.
The decoration for the backgroundof the stage.
This is my net group which consist of me , Abby, Denise, Audrey, Eunice, Cheryl and finally our coach Jo.( photo taken by andrew) This is me and my TEDDY BEAR .... Audrey ... isnt she cute i could just hug her all day long.

what i learnt and my emotions

teenstreet taught me a lot of things ....

first we learnt that we are in an egg and there will changes in our lives and at the same time we have to make choices between the tree of life and the tree of death.I choose to Love God , Love others and Love myself. In order to do that , I have to avoid being self focus and it has three dangerous areaas which are I'm better, I'm lonely, and I'm afraid. I will allow God to cacoon me. In the process, i will inhale and wait and exhale myself. Inhale again the Spirit of God and exhale the stand. Then i will slowly open my wings and fly into the world. These were the main sessions hosted by Dan & Suzie Potter, Chris and Melanie, Jeremy, Foo Sheng, Denise. their sessions were great and enriching but it was more serious than last year.



I did plays for the main sessions like the Lonely days play. where i was a background character and there was only one main person. We had to walk around endlessly then when the gong sounded we lifted our newspaper to avoid the rain and we all go into a trance slow-mo. and the main character realises that he is in a different world and tries to lure us out but he fails and joins us back. And then we all leave the stage and he is left alone. The other play was the whole process of Metamorphesis. We carry the egg out which was Ivan and then he starts to grow and explore his surroundings and he comes out of the metamorphesis cycle and he starts eating and gaining strength. And then he gets covered by the cacoonand exchanges places with me and i am the one who slowly morphs in the cacoon. then i appear and climb on topof two guys and i and the body of the butterfly and i have people controlling my wings. it was an amazing experience.



Ssshh 0.5 this year was very meaningful. the first day i watched the clouds and God gave me a message where i saw a girl reaching out to a man who i assume is God himself then suddenly it changed to heart shape . then on the same day a leave just landed on my feet which i kept. The next day my shhhh time was done in the area which looked like a forest and well i found these things you could stitch on to a branch and i made a whole row and well i kept it . It looks like a satay stick with satays on it. the next day i couldnt do my ssshhh time cause i was too caughtup with praying in the hall and was crying like crazy . then another day i just sat on the steps with Te may and i sort of taught about that days lesson which was good .



Net time well i was the live wire of the group and i shared a lot ... cause i am one of those who talk a lot. i just couldnt finish sharing my coach had to always indirectly tell me to stop. the thing was though that during that time i always felt really sleepy . there was a day we had to think each of us as a fruit. I was soursoup, abby was mangosteen, eunice was banana, cheryl was grapes, audrey was pear and denise was watermelon.



My coach always made us memorize our memory verses before we go for breakfast and it was like our ticket to freedom.



For intereact time , the first day i joined Hip Hop he taught us some great moves and he was good looking too. we learnt popping, waving, and electrical boogeying. thebasics only but it was fun. the next day i went for braodway which was good i got to meet the women who acted as olive in walk his trail. Then i went for the art of pencil shading which was hardly anything , the person named guy just made us draw and he didnt even teach us anything.



For the first night we had prayer night and we had to pray for everything that was given to us

This is a pic of our commitment blocks to God

This is a picture of the Flag of the country we had to pray for which is Phillipines.

This is the pic that we had to pray for people who has AIDS

the whole night was meningful and i really discovered that i love to pray and that communicating with God is very important.

Worship sessions were meaningful not everyday but most days. My friend Te may was an emotional girl and i totally clicked with her since i myself am one too. i could really feel that she was praising God. I am really touched by her.

One of the worship sessions i remember that i fell on my kness and i was really praising God. then another night to be more specific on the last night i started crying on the firstslow song and i could not stop crying even until the point of time when everyone was dancing on the other side i was still crying. i really was touched by God and well i wrote a letter to him and submitted my all to him. I especially love the song come Holy spirit.

During intereaction zone , i love the fact that we got to mingle around but this year our group was really huge as there were like 400 people and people tend to stick to their cliques. I well loved the fact that i got to know more people especially "someone". then i had dancing on the last day i totally let myself go which was a great feeling . i really miss him and the camp . that guy as i said is a pure gentleman and he well treated me really well. he smsed me first and asked for my phone number. and kept smsing me from that day onwards. besides that we both clicked cause we both had similar interest and well he treated me to ice cream on the last day . his smses are so encouraging and nice and sweet :).

Net 2 at night was mostly sharing about your day and how it went which was also meaningful. i never kept to the sleeping time schedule and always slept way after that. the last day i slept at 3.

for the food well i guess it was just normal food i actually liked breakfast the best cause it was like fried noodles and stuff lunch and dinner were all rice with things which was well ok and they had curry everyday. i guess they are edible i am not that fussy with food.

teenstreet place & meeting people part

well i just got back from a camp today

This camp I never have any regrets going to . Every single year i experience new things and feel revived again . It was held in Kolej Tuanku Jafar . I shall first comment on the location . Overall its nice but i felt it was really far from one place to another. Especially when it rains , there isnt any shelter in the middle of the courtyards so we had to use the side and it takes more than ten minutes to walk from my dorm to the main hall.

The first day , i reached the place i was slightly dissapointed as the decorations werent as great as last year, but the rooms are really nice . My bed was comfortable. I had roomates who were nice, although one of them is my coach. Jo is my coach and she is a single lady from singapore. very strong women and independant. Then i have Abigail, who well belongs to the group that i mostly hanged out with at the camp . she is well a very nice girl and sweet. we chatted a lot during the nights when we couldnt sleep mostly about our relationships with people. Then there is Audrey ... MY CUTE TEDDY BEAR ... I LOVE TO HUG HER ... she is so cute and small and harldy talks first you always have to talk to her first then she replies;her hugs are so warm and cuddley and it makes it even better than me and her are the same height. Then there is Cheryl... she is like stick thin man you never seen such a thin girl in your life ... she looks so fragile but her experiences she shared also encouraged me a lot. Eunice is another girl ; both she and Cheryl are from singapore. Eunice is a normal girl who well does missions which i totally admire in a person. She helped built schools in Vietnam. Finally there is Denise, i found out she lives in my neighbourhood, shes a bit quiet at times but can be hyper also .....These people are in my net group. I think i am the closest to Audrey in camp.

Then the other people i met during this camp, Lisa the very nice coach and she and i met in the toilet which we saw both of us were wearing bands on our arms and compared them. Mary Ann was another girl from singapore whom i find very nice and hyper ... hope to get to know her better. Then there were the Brunei girls whom i also met in the toilet while we sang in the shower. Hannah a small size girl but a great personality , Larissa , big size girl with a loud personality which i love :) , Hsian Huey , a tall thin girl who is very sweet and pretty. One of the girls who knows edwin also was pretty nice and cute. These were people whom i just met from the surface we hardly got to know each other's deep side being . Amelia , the girl who had curly hair as her natural hair ... really liked it . The two girls from Sabah , Yvonne and Henna whom i met last year was here this year too. Elizabeth a white coach prayed for me and she was really nice. Another jessica from melbourne even was very friendly. Denise one of the speakers was very encouraging and had strong words to impact people. Then Melanie another speaker who had avery strong country accent which was unique( shes got a daughter named Kimberlisa , which is so adorable and cute ).

Then there is this group of girls mostly all from perlis whom i got really close to . Jocelyn, Henna, Jessica, Serene, Te May, Abigail, Alyssa. i spend most of the camp with them until the point of time when i started liking one of their childhood friends then i began to drift away. I didnt feel comfortable telling them that i like him. it just felt very weird. But these girls are my support and well i heard a lot of their stories which really touched me.

I didnt really meet many guys this year. Nigel, Isaac, Leon( this guy i can describe until i dont even have enough words to describe him ) ( pure gnetleman and very caring and sensitive in a good way for a guy ) , Kok Jian, Samuel( singapore), Samuel ( the white guy), met Edwin again ( he gave me a gift after the camp, so sweet of him), Zachery very hyper and spontaneuos dude who is always teasing me and having fun. Jonathan Williams was nice too .i think he is from the Phillipines

I met the bands members who did our worships sessions also which was good. and it was great to see Dan and Suzie Pitter again.

i guess thats all for now cause i am getting really tired. Ill write another article for other things in the camp tomorrow

the two days i had fun

THURSDAY 7 DECEMBER 2006
well got up really early cause was so excited about outing with the gang... we were suppose to go pyramid .... i had fun .... the people there were Yun hsi, Pei Jie, Henry, Kar Mun, Siu Theng , Boon Siong.... these people were dating
the rest of us include me , Seh Yung, Sen Wai, Habib, Jia Yuan, Yeang Shin, Deepa, Nicole, Siew Hong, the KL guy , three other guys whom I do not know them....

We went ice skating first , overall i did have fun there, guiding nicole on the rink ...shes so nice .... but i fell like four times andonce was with siu theng so sorry theng and at that time i broke my phone can you believe it !!!!!

after ice skating we went to have lunch at Waffle World they do have good food there but expensive XD ..... i had Spaghetti Cabonara ... been craving it for weeks .... then later i went to meet up with the rest of the gang who were playing pool ... gave them theur christams cards then went out of the pool area cause it was so smokey . i went to find kar mun since she was shopping alone ... but ended up meeting yun hsi and the rest of the gang in Mcdonalds ... which was good i guess then they decided to go arcade and play car racing on manual mode which was ok to see ... went back home with siu theng chatted with her quite a lot too .....

thats all for thursday ...my opinion about that day was i guess its just normal no oomph in that outing .... i wasnt jealous that there were people dating just well went as myself and thats a good thing means now i am in more control

FRIDAY 8 DECEMBER 2006
i got up quite early too eventhough my back was aching with my arms ... cause i needed to find handphone i could use to call Samuel .... in the morning i went to some warehouse sale in Taman Tun , got a new pair of shoes and a new raincoat i spent about RM 270 ..... then i came back to get my self ready for my outing

at one something he was still stuck on the train ... so i waited for him in MPH ... but he ended up couldnt find it so i had to go find him and he was in center court ... we then went straight up to get popcorn and drinks since it was only ten minutes before the movie ....he paid :)

i bought the movie tickets Happy Feet two days before so we got good seats ... the show was really good with all the sound effects blasting in so many direction so it s a movie worth watching

after the movie , he well "forced" me to play pool .. thats a good thing ... he taught me how to which was sweet cause now i know how to play it properly ....then well he "forced" me to play Para Para ... he was good at it .... then well he made me do it haha.... I love the fact that he made me do stuff that i have never done before i feel so proud that i achieve some things ... then after that we went to secret recipe where he bought me a small chocolate brownie where he sang me a birthday song eventhough it was way past my birthday :) that was really sweet of him

Thanks Samuel i appreciate it for the outing yesterday i had tons of fun and i do hope we get to spend time together again ... It was really sweet of you and to be honest i like a guy like that i mean he made me do stuff and did things for me

thats all i have to say i guess til next entry which is after teenstreet camp thats six days from now

breezey weekend

well for me the last weekend was ok

thursday had laura and isabelle ... mum's BSF friend daughters Laura and Isabelle we got toknow better ... they were very sweet girls and very nice ... we will be in contact again soon i think
Friday well normal just tennis in the morning i think i am begining to like tennis a lot ... it seems so much enjoyable now ... i can actually play it now XD
Saturday - went to Dad's office , he has a plasma Tv there with Astro so i watched Tv the whole morning hehe while he was working , then i went to SIB had a great worship session really felt God's presence... then well went with my cell to discuss year end party .. later came back up and well chatted with Kate , Samantha and gang got to know that Chanette had been to PDL and got some info from her about the review thing and got to know her experience .... then later had drum workshop which was nice ...at night went out for dinner at mamak at Taman Megah which was nice with Aunt Liz and Lavinia
sunday nothing much just went to church then came back and slept the whole day got up and went to play tennis with my family which was fun
monday - well nothing really just at home all day nothing interesting to write about
today - well nothing really either played tennis in morning , then well lazed at home the whole day

got over the emotion thing which is a good thing hopefully i can do it when i go aussie ... getting over it would be an obstacle .. cant wait for tomorrow am going out

i guess thats all for now .... til next entry

that strong feeling in you

hey ,

just felt like adding a post ... so well these few days just been feeling all weird inside me i mean like i am misisng something and i feel a twitch in my body . I need to get rid of it if i dont i dont know what ill do with it when i am in Australia man ill go wild and that is deifnitely a negative point. I have to control !!!! i have to control !!!!

i have to do sports to get rid of it if not well i am forever going to feel his way ...
i think part of the reason why i feel this way is cause my sis didnt need to do anything in camp and well all the guys are like coming after her whereas for me i interacted with them and did a lot of stuff still there doesnt seem to be a connection ... why does she get it so easy and i have to get it always the hard way ?..... i needed to let it off my chest it is really bugging me .... i cant have a decent guy come after me ... all the guys that come after me are like off the street whistling which i dont need their attention ... TECHNICALLY I DONT KNOW THEM !!!! whereas my sis has like people she knows coming after her ... i want to attract the right attention not the wrong one ..... i havent even heard from well someone decent that they actually like me( guys) ... ARRRGGGHHH!!

I dont want to go crazy ... i want to be sane ... but how .... the pressure is building ,.,,, i cant hold myself any longer ,help is what i need !!!!! i am about to breakdown !.... i want to let it go and let it fly away but it seems to be trap inside me

PDL camp

well i havent been around guys ... cause iw as at this Personal development leadership camp

first ill start with the place , we practically stayed in just one shop lot and it looks like prison there arent many windows at all .... they practically treated us like prisoners there which is well for our own good but in another way it looks really bad

well i was appointed room leader the first day ,had mei kyi, joanna, trina in my room ... they all are very nice girls and almost every night we just gossiped so much and were very talkative. then well i was also appointed study group leader.. cause we had a test on the second day and some of us failed but eventhough you passed yous till get scolded by the trainers and not lightly either very harshly ..... then for well the song i also had to be head conductor of the song and well my group's song got chosen to be sang at this camp which was cool

then we went through a lot of sessions... mostly were just talks ... which some were useful and the rest were kinda boring... bthe more interesting things about it were the ones that totally provoked you and well change you and you start to cry ... besides that girls always had to sit in between two guys since there werent many girls

this was the part i most like and i got to know more guys ... eventhough i was the oldest there ... yen sern well the sensitive guy who really touched me on how he acts towards a women really like a good gentleman although he well doesnt speak english well but we clicked i guess and interesitng to say is that well we just feel comfortable with each other...and i totally symphatize with him when he was sick and all ... poor guy ! then there is chi seng the funny and outgoing guy who is a bit like a lala guy ... but he is very helpful and very friendly and we were mostly awake in the sessions because of him then he also helped me out with tutoring people and well i encouraged him a lot during the camp also, we talked a lot.then there was yong yew he was so sweet i mean he was willing to help me coach gan when i needed someone and well he was willing also to give five bucks for the little boy's reward,then there is sexy women guy he is really sweet also and knows how to treat a lady and well he can be sick but thats what makes him very funny and likeable, divesh the very funny indian guy although quite conservative but his personality was nice and very easy to talk to also... then there was chong khin yew well he is a very amusable guy and very friendly eventhough from a far you see him to be very shy ... but he turned out to be the best chit chatter with besides chi seng... then there was ken ... he was just well friendly and i could talk to but i didnt hang with him much and didnt sit with him either but well just the incident of askiing him for a panadol was the most that i talk to him just between us shi va well he was a funny guy but i didnt get to hang out with him either ... there were the sp brothers who at first everyone hate but eventually liked but i still didnt really like them cause well i had to teach one of them the personal confidence creed and he couldnt be bothered to do it and only memorized til the begining of the second paragraph.then there was this DJ guy whose surname was ngbut i cant remember his name he was nice and all and well we talked a little but just didnt feel the chemistry or real interest to talk to but when i get to know him better i am sure we will be better.

then well theres the girls, tang was really quiet but sweet but very easy to talk to , then there was marie who was very friendly and outgoing and well everyone clicked with her,then there was huey wen who is another quiet girl but extremely caring and sweet and you feel very relax talking to her then there was joanna who well very quiet but when talk she is very funny ... trina the rebellious girl but well a great achiever, then well me and tee geok swan clicked very well and we have this conneciton where we can share things with each other ..so i like her the most

i think overall this camp did help me a lot i learnt studying techniques and welll motivators and also finally love and relationships.... i want to be better and well and i am inspired to as well ....
i willbecome a better person and well suceed in life

PERSONAL CONFIDENCE CREED

I beleive in myself. I believe in my family. I believe in my school.I believe in those who work with me. I believe in my successful friends. I believe in my country.

I believe that God will lend me everything that i need to suceed when i do my best to earn it through faithful and honest work. I believe i will be patient with other people and tolereant with those who do not believe as i do.

I believe that success is the result of intelligent effort and doe not depend on luck or copying in examinations. I believe i will get out of life exactly what i put into it .

Therefor, I will be careful to conduct myself towards others, as I would want them to act towards me. I will not slander those whom i do not like. I will not slight my work no matter what I may see others doing.

I will do the best work work of which I am capable because i have pledged myself to succeed in life and i know that successis always the result of conscientious and efficient effort,Finally, I forgivethose who offend me because i realise i shall sometimes offend others and I will need their forgiveness.

techniques like SQ3R very helpful in studies then SPEED ON also very helpful in life

I WILL DO IT MY WAY !!!!

dreams

well today has been a real bore ... besides the fact there was Jusco member day today... plain chaotic i could barely stand straight ... its so hot in there and its suppose to be an air-conditioned place...funny thing was i bought everything green today apart from the shoes for Aussie... i got a pair of green surfer shorts, an army pants for sis, and a green sweater for mum.

then well came home ... watch two movies ...daddy day care and Take the Lead .....

Have you ever felt that you really want to something really badly ... i really want to dance ballroom i admire those people who do it so well ... i imagine myself to be one of those girls flying on the dance floor... swaying to the waltz, shaking to the rumba or fox trot , being intimidate in the tango .... i do hope i will get the cahnce someday .... i feel a feeling that i cant describe whenever i dance .... i feel i can let go of everything whenever i dance ...

dreams ... can they come true?

early birthday celebration

hey guys,
am back with this entry
today well overall was just a normal day at home besides the fact that tomorrow its my birthday. I studied my IELTS english today and well i did ok i think ... I mean i did listening and writing so its fine
had a pre celebration with my family one day earlier than my birthday, we went to Miss Read to have dinner a simple celebration ...i had duck confetti spagethini , mum had cabonara spaghetini, dad and mei had lamb masala... we had the chocolate brownie with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream ... that turned out to be my bithday cake and had one candle on top for me to blow.

then well on the 14th all i had was just Yui over to hang out.... we were learning languages she learnt a bit of chinese and I a bit of japanese.... then we had lunch at home and begin to play with her ps2 she brought... we first played Final Fantasy 12 then i lost so we played Naruto fighthing game i won this time :) ..... i guess thats it ... i got 12 messages, 3 phone calls,16 messages online,4 gifts ... but i dont know whether ill get more we shall see ....

i guess thats all i have to say for n0w... still next time .... peace

lonely times without friends

hey guys
just bored so i decided to blog ....
well heres whats happening to me now:
i am currently attending a course called IELTS which is an english course and its extremely specific ... the whole course is just about following and listening and focus... the woman teahcing us also keep repeat can get sick and tirted of her but well there was another teacher who taught us on tuesday which well even though she repeats she seems to repeat it in a different way

well besides that just well been thinking a lot about him ...its irritating that well i wont be able to see for long now ... i only get to see him occsionally whenever something comes up like an event or something.... and well loads of people are telling me that i shouldnt care about him anymore cause well he doesnt even take the decency to want to keep in contact with me... i dont want to lose him as a friend though cause well he is just nice and well people are all analyzing with me that he is just a friend and sometimes not even worth it to beyour friend as he doesnt call or sms to ask me how i am ...sigh ....dont know what to do anymore .... just well almost drifting everyday and well ... nowadays friends are scarce as well as they are all busy

sad thing is i have to be alone on my birthday this year and only with my family and well i dun think i am going to get much presents from people this year either.....sigh ... well i guess thats all i have to bear with it

thats all for now

hectic sunday

hey people
just bored and decided to write my blog
on saturday i didnt do much at all
then on sunday was quite a hectic day for me
first it started with church
then after church i went out for breakfast with jee leng... which was great cause we got to rebond with each other and catch up with one another ... trying to resolve some issues
then well right after that went to attend a talk at SIB .... First we went through a brief course of event managing which three groups get to plan an event... my group got to plan a fund raising dinner to riase funds for an orphanage....we did pretty well i guess i did stumble a bit during the presentation but i think we did pretty ok ...Then Jayne wong came to speak to us about using performing arts in evangelism... she was pretty witty and well it was interesting on how she presented it ... we even got to know more about ourselves evaluating our finished and unfinished goals and the people in my life who affect me ....
then right after that i went for community night at my church .... the topic was where is God when it hurts... we sang a few hyms... then there was some testimonies and finally Mr Eric curtain spoke and it was pretty touching ..... but the main purpose why i came for the service was causeone of my friends was getting baptised ... May lim ....

i take this opportunity to congratulate her for taking her step and well am really proud of her ...

well after that day i fell sick and now i got a cold ... andwell trying to get rid of it fast ..... and well when you are sick you tend to think a lot more about people especially those who are close to you .... i have epsecially been thinking a lot about him .. almost every minute of the day i am thinking about him ... and ways i can get to him .... all girls hope that the ones they truely love will eventually come to them but that case rarely comes true as well the guys go for another girl...this is the case over here ... i dont think he even pays attention to me he doesnt realize it at all in this sense you could say he is blur but well i cant blame him cause well i dont even show my ture feelings to him ... basically tell him he means a lot to me as a friends but i can never say how i truely feel .......
My love for you has lingered in my heart , a pain , a feeling that never goes away . No matter what i do to push it away , my love for you crawls and finds its way back into my heart .My nerves will never reject you no matter how hard i try, I allow you to tear me apart inside ... if i have to miserable just to feel your love thats how i will be always until i gain you someday.

emo

Back again

well i guess been kinda emo lately and just recently came back from camerons i really dont count that as a holiday cause almost every single moment i was miserable during that holiday... if it werent forme and my sis fighthing i would be thinking of him and how much he cares for me which isnt much ... i dont think he cares for me at all .... even our relationship as friends i begin to question it also ... what is he thinking?...I care for you deeply and i try to let go ... but you dont realize how much i hurt inside , i dont want to be a burden in your live and thats why i let you go .... everytime i think of you , it just tears me more inside... i will be never ever be able to tell you how exactly feel about you ........................

during this holiday , we partly learnt that well friendships dont last forever ... my dad and his friends from ipoh have now gone to a sour note not too sour but well we saw our differences and well we just see each other as we dont get along much as we used to anymore.

just another day feeling down

well another day

and as always there are up and downs and this day is well on the the down just well not well for me i got my piano theory results today and it didnt went well my mum went fanatic and was all over me yelling and shouting ... i hate that ... that means we cant talk at all and every thing is what she says all the time... and its the time of the month again and during this time i usually think more about how much i miss people and it gets me even down makes you feel lonlier and it adds up to everything i hate that when it happens and avoiding it is the hardest thing for me to overcome it

i cant always be pretneding to lok storng when i am actually crumbling inside and i hate when the emotion overload happens

thinkijng about him as always which is dumb cause i will never get him abnd he will never realize it at all .... looks like i got not much to write anymore and well besides that i got another interest in my life ... met him at thirty hour famine which well i guess still friends for now he seems to be a pretty interesting guy a look alike of sen wai only thing darker haha ... well i shall find out how this guy is like ....

thats all for today i guess ... til next entry

30 hour famine

i had a great weekend guys .... fast for children in crisis at thirty hour famine and well i went as a volunteer so i had more stuff to do .... had to carry heavy boxes ,do registration , handle participants luggageand , do crowd control ..... but at least volunteers have more privelleges i get to skip lectures and well go help out in the moving of stuff ....... so called lepaking haha just to well erhmmmm take care of the luggage room .....

met loads of people ... ,most of them are from help doing A levels there ... first there is chanel who well we clicked very well when we first met ... we are like good friends now and i found out she also lives in my neighbourhood so well i can spend more time with her cool !!!!!! another guy johnson also stays in my area .....thne there is jacqueline shes another cool girl very bubbly and funny eventhough she was quite tired she managed to stay her cool ... then i met up with some old friends ... two people from elc ... priyanka and dimple .... Bk people Daniel and Bryan....Sharon and Priscilla from girls camp ..... Su ming was there .... then Debbie also came ... i hugged her like crap .... she came late ....

joanne was another nice girl i met ... then Sharon and faith the two girls who were always together they were very nice and had fun hanging out with them ....

i didnt get to meet much guys this time around ..some included well Johnson , Richard, William, Kevin ,Ian, another William ( MC) ... the rest are all blur dunno them .....Richard looked exactly like sen wai only thing he was a bit shorter and darker .... he is slightly friendlier than sen wai also ... kinda admire him from distance at camp cause i thought he was good looking ... begining to like guys of a certain genre which look like sen wai kinda guys and personality ..... i guess learnt somethings from camp that eventhough am tired i had to give it up and do stuff .... and well makine sacrifices of sleep well cause the girls walked in and out of the room all the time and they didnt have a decency to shut the doors quietly ... just let them slam almnost every hour ... it was so irritating ... then loads of talking in the room and shifting stuff and in their sleeping bags was pretty annoying ....woke up at 6 12 but lazy to get out of bed as you didnt have to until 6 30 but eventually someone did wake me up from my bed and i had to wake chanel and well we were the last ones to leave the room

the seminars were pretty boring but well we covered a lot of stuff on children ... like learning about HIV & AIDS and well street children..... children in sexual acts , children in war , children in labour ... there was some workshops which were pretty interesting ;.... learning about discrimination and stigma and then we got to actually meet a HIV positive women fighthing for her rights and her kid also has HIV and also fighthing for acceptance in a normal school and finally the last workshop was preverntion forus to take precaution of HIV haha in that workshop we learnt to wear condoms also hehe .......

i guess thats all i can say for now pretty tired and well tired eating just now after famine just felt like throwing up am going to go to bed now ... ill write more soon

ciaoz
i guess thats all i have to say for the camp

Wait

hey everyone i am back with another update , well as usual just been hanging around in the house doing nothing much besides cooking for myself going online and watching tv. and well mum and dad have been acting up on me trying to act more reponsible and all... kinda getting sick and tired of it and well i feel that i am like a stranger in my house ... in my own house can you imagine ! well what to do i do have to listen to what they say in some ways but they dont seem to want to talk it out much .. mum is like i have to do it her way and all that

well all the preparations of my going to University of Queensland have been finalize and i am actually going there but there is still the problem on whether i'll be staying in the foundation house cause now i am on waitting list for that ... if not then i would have to stay in homestay which means i'll get to know more older people since ill be staying with them .i actually would prefer if i could stay in the foundation house ... it actually means that i have a bit more freedom and that i dont have an "adult supervision" and would be kinda stuck to my own room which they provide me with

well last weekend was kinda fun besides the fact that on friday the trains didn't work and well we had to walk all over KL to get my applications sorted and take taxis which cost me and my mum a bomb ... monorail which was suppose to be working didnt come for about half an hour also ..... very tired that day and well body aching all over the next morning especially my ankle on the right.

At night , i went to seh yung's house for his mooncake festival/birthday ... i had to go late since my parents also had another party to go to so i didn't complain to ask to be sent earlier ... i reached there about seven something and well most of everyone had finish dinner by then and well just waitting for a few to be done like me for example and well another girl came late too ... well i didn't eat much cause wasnt feeling very hungry and well we just talked and some guys were just playing the guitar for fun which sounded nice .. then at about 8.30 we sang the birthday song and cut cake which was nice CHOCOLATE.............mmmmmmmmmmm love it am very addicted to it CHOCOLATE LOVER.. the jellies were good too

Then at 9 something we went walking around section 17 with our lanterns it was pretty fun and well all of us joking around as we walk ...like yun hsi yelling out lantern down! someone died ! hahaha and we will all stop to wait for the lantern to be lit and after a while we got fed up with them and some of them got burnt along the way we had to walk one girl home to her house which was on the other side of section 17 we had fun basically and later on everyone wanted to to mamak so yeah we ended up in sentosa drinking at a malay store and thats when Habib joined us and well he was sharing his mp3 player around .... half of the people there were on dates i guess but well it doesnt bother me at all cause well first thing first the guy i want isnt even there so yeah i tried to act on the low upon it and be positive... took your advice bro and i guess it work ... thanx anyway for telling me you know who you are

as for my current status with that guy ... still no luck in getting him as i have always said in my episodes i am not going to do anything to get him not even hint .... i am just going to leave it as it is and well if we are meant to be then well we will be someday like how my cousin and his wife were ... am just going to wait and be determined for the time being if he really likes me he will ask me if not then too bad am forever waitting ...........

WAITTING

adrenaline drain from me ...for you

The price you pay for liking someone ... all too much ....A person who is well weak in his/her emotion like me will definitely fail in everything if they do not pull themselves together ... i need to pull myself together ... i am thinking why can't i draw interest from the guys i do actually have feelings for they all see me as their friend but nothing more ...sigh .... i find myself useless in relationships all my relationships are a failure ...pure to doomsday.

i had adrenaline rushes today just thinking about him which is freaky i hate that feeling ... i mean i am so scared to tell him and at the same time i i do tell him now that i like him with all the complications of me going to australia , that i/him will find someone else while i am there and i would lose a good friend forever and itbreaks my heart i am suffering both ways .looks like i cant be happy in both ways no other option but i totally feel its better for me to suffer without him than rather tie him down and be a burden to him .... i do not want to trouble him in any way as i am afraid he will be too stressed up juggling his studies and his life .... i totally care for him enough to not let him know how much feelings i have for him . i shall just suffer alone in this situation without him to carry any of it ... i am trying to be strong to carry this but i almost broke down in tears yesterday thinking about all this ... i just dont want to waste his time in any way
*sob*..................

Emotion Overload

hey guys ,
well updates on my last week ....my emotions have been overpowering me in odd ways until to the point that i am actually having nightmares almost everyday and i seem to be remembering what i dreamt the day before ....he well isn't paying attention to me at all and well i am hoping that he will realize it someday and i can be with him but of course this all has to be God's will if it isnt then i shall accept it ....
life is well complicated i mean when you like someone that someone doesnt seem to want to like you back and us girls in Asia dont get to make the first move as it is considered taboo in our nation which i hate actually and well so far most of my relationships with guys have been my first move and well i am sick and tired of doing it anymore ... with this , the results of my past relationships all went for failure we didn't go past the six month safe bench as they call it in romance books (except for one) ......
i have also been thinking a lot about how i would really feel when i go to Australia to study and well i am prety happy that i will be going to anew country and well to experience new things but at the same time i am also scared that i would be under the influence of the people there and i would do stupid things when i am there which would get me into huge trouble and i am also hoping that i will make the grade so that i will make the grade.
How could I ever show my feelings towards this person i mean i am afraid that he will hurt me and reject me which is most likely cause now he doesnt even call or sms ...out of all the guys that i have actually fallen for so far the best one is the one that currently rules my emotions and my heart ... this well have lasted for over 9 months now and well it can go on for about a year or two cause well i know one guy in my past crush has well lasted long enough and still lasting but now i treat him more as a brother and he takes care of me making sure i dont get hurt by anyone else which is cool too

currently reading a book called If i am so wonderful, why am i single and well its telling me all sorts of things but well i dont think its helping at all and not to say i want a boyfriend now but well i just find it interesting to read books like these to see what they say .....

i guess thats all i have to say for this entry ...til next time ciao

force

mums forcing me to go work when i dont want to exactly ...... but well i am so fed up with my life with people telling me what to do .... i just want to study and well be a good girl and get good grades and my mum is like NoOoO you have to work before you go and study .... to earn the money for your plane ticket and I wont be giving you the money for it..... no more opportunities to study argggh .... my life is so messed up now ... i am being treated to be such a lowly person which i dont feel its right ... its as if i cant even afford my own plane ticket my plans are now all shattered my future all gone ... and i have to give in to my mum .... argggghhhh ..... just talked to dad and he says he will sortthis out when he comes back .Although he is also on my mum's side as well so well i dont expect much from him talking as well ...they will probbly convince me into working especially my dad ... sigh .... life is so torturous cant they leave me alone .... , mum especially can't seem to do that she wants me to do .... it grieves her that i am not working which i find it stupid ....they dont consider my feelings at all everything must be what they want me to do ... if it werent for my say in UQ uni i bet they would even send me to Latrobe cause there is "adult supervision " mum doesnt know how to consider how other people feel and she is always doing stuff like what she feels ...... i mean she considers about us but makes it sound it isnt for her ...like working is good for you cause you will learn skills....etc.etc.....but behind it all its just to get me out of the way and well not be such a burden to her ....my love life is so much crappier ...... but i am ot obssessing so much on it .... i am ok being single this year eventhough it gets lonely (hint)...... not exactly how i want it to be but it will have to do for now ... until a certain someone responds.... which i dont think he is ..... i'll wait longer ......but i don't expect much from him .....
thats all i have to say i guess for this entry .....

emotional

hey guys ,
well this week has just been spending time with people which of course makes me very happy i dont think i can live without anyone by my side i definitely need people around me ...this blog is dedicated to my emotions ... and well guys you wanna read well be ready to get to know my deepest truest feelings then .... i have just recently been obssessing over one guy ... seems like almost every year i get one guy i really like for a year which in this case at the moement is A...... not going to tell you guys who ... but well i am currently into someone thats all i can say ..... it was the same as the oast years when i have really liked yun hsi and sen wai ... guess those phases are over ....spent my friday with sue jern which was cool cause we are close and are pet sisters she mentors me in a way . We were satisfied with our day of shopping and well we got what we each wanted ... she got her jeans and me my pair of slippers ....well moving on i felt ontop of the world on saturday cause when i went to SIB i had the privelege of being the only girl there and be daunt upon by all the guys ... mostly by kai sin hehe ... he is funny ... love how he treats people and handle them .... the other guys are sweet too .... i just love my time spent there and look forward to it every week ....today well i got to spend time with my old church friends cause well i hardly have been attending youth in my own church as i have been in SIB and well i guess they did seem like they miss me .......i shall see whether i want to go for the yf outing on this jungle trail thing ....... confusions.... i really look forward to psending more time with him also ... as the time past by ..... i hope he notices .....thats all i can say for this entry

first entry but sorry its a copy paste thing

hey guys this is my first entry here sorry this is a copy paste thing cause well i love this entry ........ well last last weekend i went to singapore ... got a phone call at 6 am asking us to go faster cause my grandmother ( on my mum's side) has been admitted into hospital ... so well we took a bus and reached there at aobut lunch time ... grannie has been very weak ... shes got pnuemonia and well she cant really swallow liquids it makes her choke and cough .... i got to spend with my couz xian before she goes to england to study ... i stayed over at her place... she took me shopping at bugis the next day ... i bought a dress for $9.90 sing , a top for $15 sing and well some underwear hehe cute ones ... i find them very adorable .... one of the days we celebrated my uncles birthday ... this uncle really likes me ... he is always asking for me ... first come to KL will ask for me ... and i have no idea why ...he hardly talks to anyone but he loves to talk a lot with me ... he turned 56..... i got back on tuesday ... then on wednesday ... well i just got up of bed at 9 a.m. when the previous night i slept at 2 a.m.... went online then suddenly out of the blue ... a good friend of mine Andrew ask me whether i was free and wanted to go accompany him out ... he needed to get some books from kinokuniya in KLCC .... so well i asked my mum and well the usual 20 questions about this person i am going out with .... but she seemed pretty happy about me going after she heard i met him from teenstreet ... lol and he was a coach even weirder ... so i went .... i reached faster than he did by just a few minutes .... found him then we went for lunch .We had McD's he paid .... then we went to kinokuniya to do his errands ... lol we then went to watch a movie ... The Banquet ... so boring ... i fell asleep a few times in the movie ... dropped onto his shoulder by accident a few times .... people who love slow movies you should watch this ... you want action and humour this movie has hardly any of it ... except some gruesome execution scenes... besides that zilch ...then we went for coffee bean .... all of these paid by him ... i feel so embarasss that he paid everything ... and i tried asking him whether i could pay but he said he feels pai sei about not paying ..... swt ... sounds like a date already .... we were suppose to be just friends going out ...it sounds more like a date ....hehe ..... but i had loads of fun ....hopefully i would get to do this again with you andrew ;) :) lol ..... loved your company and dont say your sorry for dragging me along cause i had fun :) :) :) :) ...... oh yeah forgot ... i am into ballroom dancing now ... just cant find a school to go to do it .... and i want to puesue my drums ....am also at the moment exploring SIB church ... i am going to their youth ... the guys there are so fun to be with i dunno about the girls cause most girls dont come as form 5 are having trials and well i guess girls are more hardworking than guys... kai sin the funny bloke and very easygoing , mitchell- quiet silent guy yet when have an opinion its pretty serious and correct oh and he is cute too .... scott the guy who speaks his mind at the same time makes statement in his drawings... phlip_ another silent guy who loves gelling his hair but he is very nice ....an indian guy who loves to sleep in class i cant remmeber his name ... another guy who is tall and is very smart and funny ... he is doing spm and a buisness degree at the same time .... yap silent but seems nice ... the girls who i know well raven ... she may look small and meek to you but she has great leadership and potiential and she really speaks her mind ... very hardworking too ... melissa she is very kind to me .. mainly cause she has to take care of me when i am there so i dont get lost around the chruch grounds, sharmaine ... the pretty girl who i think has a lot of admirers and well maybe a bf ....i am totally enjoying my time there in SIB and having laods of fun in their youth and learning something new .....i guess thats all i want to say for now ... take care everyone and GOD BLESS