letting go

with this sullen day
passing by
all my thoughts
are focused, just thinking about you

i still query
were we an accident?
was it just for fun ?
werent they treasure memories, we cant just be over and done?

no matter how hard i try
i just cant let go
i know you want me to try harder
but its tearing me apart inside, killing my soul

am sitting on a fence
beng pulled apart
i wish it would mak emore sense
that we never had to depart.

deeper love

many a times
i ponder
on whether
all those moments
were just a series of mimes?

How can i make you understand?
this is how much you mean to me
that i dont just care about you
but also with everything else and your being

i may seem strong
on the forefront, the surface
in actual fact rather
my heart for you , still cries and longs

the power is in your hands
to determine whether we can go on
even with words of denial at
the present moment
i hope and pray your view bends ....

an eventful few days

hey readers of my blog,
the past few days have been really packed with activities. last friday was my sister's birthday .... she actually didnt want to have anything at all . but her friends from SIS decided to throw a surprise birthday for her . she even cried when her wesleyans came for her . 5 guys, which i thought was really sweet of them to turn up and made effort . they even got her a secret recipe cake. i organized some games for her friends to bond and get to know each other better , they looked like they enjoyed it . had catering food which was delicious .

Saturday , my gang took me to FRIM . which was good fun and i managed to get some exercise and catch up with them . it was great to be out with them. always love spending time with them always will. thanks guys for giving me a great day i really did enjoy myself . although i did hurt myself at the waterfall , had a bruised left side cause i slipped on the smooth rocks. but overall it was a good day .

the whole week after this i had loads of motivation to study .just suddenly had that drive , prolly the stress kick in , i just felt myself wanting to read my boring law books every day, and finally found some joy in doing it .

wednesday rolled round, i drove out ! its an acheivement , cause i drove me and yuyi to brickfields to have an indian lunch ! we had a great 3 hours just catching up and i was introducing yuyi to indian food . so it was definitely an experience for her . i really enjoyed it a lot ! thanks Yuyi for giving such a great wednesday, i loved sharing it with you .

well as for today , my cousin purporsely took off work for me to spend time with me today which was really really sweet of her . she came yesterday to sleep over so that she didnt have to rush in the morning from subang. i was really shocked and touched she would do such a thing for me. and so we chatted until 3 am in the morning . and today we basically went to italianese to eat lunch and chatted for 3 hours straight continuing from last night.our conversations were really opened and we shared our worries and our lives . i really love those times .

coming home from this outing another person was waitting for me . jan who is one of my cousin's ex girlfriend, who is now workng as a clinical psychologist. mum was there as well but she opened up old wounds well which made me breakdown of jan and my couz who was still around . sigh .... man i hate these moments they are so embarassing . urggghhh ! but overall had good conversations with jan finding out how she overcame her hurdles when she was my age . shes now currently engage and i am so excited for her ! congrats Jan !

emotionally i have been thinking a lot still about my relationship . i guess its really impossible for me to get you off my mind and i have to accept it as part of my routine that you will jsut continue to pop in everything i do . time will tell . i am still thinking to my stand to wait ... so all i have to have now is just patience to wait and see.

thats all .... til next entry

short rant

here i am guys again ....

its been a great relaxing holiday so far . cause this hypergal has been trying to recover from those emotions she couldnt handle. being back has been great since i have been pampered so much by my family . not so much my friends as my previous posts have mentioned .

there was only one outing this week , which was with Pei ru, my primary school friend whom i havent seen in like 6 years . ( scary thought on how time has flew). it was great to know that she was still the same ole friend i knew in primary school, but obviously now with stronger views about life . the conversations we had were bliss and we found out we both still click after all these years which is great ! would be wanting to spend more time with you in the future my dear ! so with obvious reasons of not seeing each other for so long , there had to be a picture ....this was the highlight of my week .

as this blog is for the needs of my emotional side ..... i shall continue to reveal what is happening. there have been loads of dreams lately which freaks me out completely when i wake up in the morning . i get that weird tingling feeling when i get up as if i have not slept properly at all.

to stand on my own two feet ?

well readers of my blog ....

i have been back home for more than a week now .

nothing excitting has much happen. i get to see my family ( my dad's side as well), some close friends, only have met up with 3 friends so far . i would say its pretty pathethic. i know its exam period and i am suppose to be studying and doing my assignments but on the other hand well i should also be in some way catching with my friends right?

wrong.... well the first week i just had an awful sleeping time table . i think it still happens ... i slept at 4am and woke up the next day at around 2 ( which if you had to convert would be about10 pm in UK and 8 am ).

the routines everyday its the same....i get up eat lunch, then start work straight away .then well have dinner and continuing working. i guess you could say its a good thing i am concentrating .... but its all just on the surface

the reality in fact - my mind still wonders about my whole situation and how much i truly miss him. i have been pulled like a rubber band on both ends stretch between two views on how i am suppose to handle this.

on one end , people say that i am young and naive to even give him anymore chances since i have been hurt so badly and that i should just completely move on . and that i definitely deserve better than this . there are those who lecture me about still doing things for him. i shouldnt even be friends with him anymore. but i really hate making enemies eventhough someone has hurt me i still will be friends with them. the tagline- there are many more fishes in the sea .....

the other end of the spectrum , there are those went through similar situations that say he does deserve my chance and well i should continue to support him and be there for him cause he needs me most now in this vunerable period. i am touched by the amount he had changed for me in that short period we were officially together. i mean isnt that what love is suppose to be ... its not all the glitz and glam which are shown in the movie but of how honest and "ugly" you can be in front that other half and yet still love each other. i would say me and him have passed that stage ..... and yes we have fit this definition of love. tagline-you truly love the one person for who they are

if there was one thing however that i learnt from this relationship is yes to listen to people's views but really its all up to my own decision in the end and people shouldnt influence it anymore and that i should not waiver. i have to make a stand on my own views and feet.

the Akon song - Right Now ( Na na na ) somehow just sings the desire of my heart now for this particular situation .


i guess thats all i have to write about

til next entry

xx

peace out