christmas happenings

looking back on the year and christmas as i have stated in the past post that it has been a pretty rough year for me . but i guess its been placed in front of me for a reason to learn something from it and to help me in the future.

christmas was a flow from totally happy to totally sad ... completely ruined from just a single sensitive statement . can you imagine i spent my christmas dinner coop up in my room and not eating anything apart from cereal .... it certainly is a memorable christmas .. in the opposite way
and to add upon it this other person is too dumb to realize that there are people out there who care about her more than that person who she still wants to protect .... who hurt her and she still wants to protect .... ughhhhh ...

Sorry ... i know christmas is suppose to be a season of joy and happiness but i just had to let those things out cause its giving me emotional headaches. on th brighter side of things, our church performance went great, compliments for losing weight and my ole gang coming over to my house for lunch had an awesome time .

well then the next day i went over to SIB church to watch their musical which was great ! they must have spent a bomb on the stage props cause it looked really professionally done . it was a plus point that i got to spend time with my childhood friend again and my pet bro :) . and i got to catch p with my old SIB friends that i met in narrow street . in fact one of them was in the musical ... great job dear ... you were really good as a backup dancer and singer.

lastly before we start blogging in the year 2010 , i had a great time catching up with some old friends whom i met from cardiff , since they were back in malaysia. thanks for a great day yesterday guys, it makes me even miss cardiff more and looking forward to going back in september. ill post those pics up later since they are still in my phone and i havent uploaded them yet .

Anyways.....

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY NEW 2010 ... a new start , a new beginning and a better year.

To God

My path to desire you
has been twisted and frayed
I dont know why but you still
give me a way

Why are you such a fogiving God ?
these questions fills my mind
I definitely don't deserve it
from the sins I do everytime.

Take hold of me , Lord
I'm much scared and vunerable
continue to encourage me , Lord
May I be able

I summit to you
with all that I am
Let me be as faithfuland and obedient
just like Abraham

Lord, You are the Rock of Ages ,
The God Almighty
Let all Christians in stages
forever give their praises .

massive updates

hey people ,

i know i have been on hiatsu for many months now ... generally could not face my blog as i get too emotional everytime i see my blog . but i guess its time for me to snap out of that mode and start writting again .

The past few months have been a real emotional vunerable journey . needed to do some growing up and well face reality . It has made me realized somewhat that i am truly not a kid anymore and i needed to stand on my own two feet and start thinking about what my next step in life was.

massive emotional overload seeing as everything bad suddenly was happening to me. i decided not to go back to cardiff seeing as i truly felt lost about what i was doing and i realized i was a bare-minimum christian in Cardiff. in fact i would have to confess that i have done somethings which i am not very proud of . but i guess what has happened already is past and cannot be taken back . i only can give one clue guys which is to say that i am still a virgin .

everything has settle and i am close to normal but i do break down sometimes when i start thinking about things ( including the ex, and nothing to look forward to ) i cried every other day and seriously i felt my life had no meaning.

i picked up the little bits left and well decided to take up jobs to fill my time . did a stint in megakids whereby its an indoor playground and had to handle and manage kids. then decided that the work was too hard and the pay was too little and my mum found me a job at her academy to teach english to china students.

well the only things that did give me meaning in my life was church and well looking forward to teen street.

Teenstreet
aaaahhh, the good ole days of teenstreet , i never get bored of it . ( not yet anywayz). this year was totally different as it was a smaller scaled camp and it was in Sarawak. It was in this former minister's bungalow in a place called Goshen.

I got to go as a coach this year which was really excittting. I had two days extra before the teens arrive and those times were relaxing. seeing as the house was really empty and well the coaches had a chance to get to know one another and become closer . ok i always describe people i get to know since my main interest is in people

Che chung - this guy is a pastor ! and he is only 24 ( and engaged ) ... which is awesome ! he has so much passion for Christ . His church is doing reading buses bring books to the village areas in Sarawak and well tuition classes are conducted in this home for lousy . and when i say lousy i mean really poor students who at primary 5 cant even do 8 x 7 .

Barnabas - he first ignored me in the home i was resting when waitting for the rest to arrive to go to the campsite. but when we got to know a lil of each other in the car i realized that he was a much nicer person than that . James even said i brought out a side of him which he hadnt seen before.

James - since i mentioned james ill describe him now . he is this 15 year old guy who has a huge passion for God ( pastor ned and aunty siew may 's son) . he is half indian and half chinese . he was funny to have around to tease each other and well we shared a few experiences with each other .

Adam - well first guy i met as a coach on the van even before barnabas . he was extremely sweet and a real gentleman and wanted to help me in everything. he took food for me cared for my well being and we could chat almost about everything under the sun . we were both very interested to get to know each other better. XD ( in fact ill be going to see his church concert performing at sunway pyramid this saturday will blog about it ) . there may be somethings going on there may be not .... seeing as people saw there was chemistry between us and there were sparks. and a few people mentioned he lighted up whenever i walked into the room :) .... but will see how this friendship goes ...

chester - well he and i were mostly talking about english on the van all the way from the airport to the campsite and in fact it was a rather interesting topic. he is a graduate in linguistics and well he majored in english instead of any other language. i liked the fact that he gave me this really nice bear hug before we left each other at the end of camp.

Shu en - shes the darling , as she was the only other girl coach besides me , we spent quite a bit of time together and well she was the sweetest girl. we called each other darlings during the camp and well had this mutual understanding for each other. we both made a pact somehow that she could hang out with barnabas and i could hang out with adam. cause the CLS teenstreet code said that no boy or no girl could be alone.

Martin - this guy was unexpectedly friendly cause i thought he was the type that if you didnt know him he wouldnt care about you. he included me in a lot of stuff and was actually very down to earth and nice to talk to . guess it happens when you make the effort with someone they would open up to you . he was cool and i adopted him as a lil bro .

oooo the twins at camp were an interesting pair ! - David and Jospeh , I had quite a bit of fun trying to recognize who is who and well got to spend time with David during the photo hunt which i discovered he was afraid of chickens . And i spent time with jospeh on the bus getting to know him better even giving him some tips on how to attract girls not that he isnt capable with how nice he is and actually cute ( i am sure girls his age swoon over him ) but i just gave him a lil more insight.

My net people were really close knit and the people from brunei were a really interesting bunch .

Michelle- straight away saw a younger version of me , and i could immediately advice her on everything . we clicked instantly like two peas in a pod and well eventually she started calling me mummy , which i found really funny. but yeah her way of being friendly towards guy did rub wrongly on some people which i totally understood since i was like that at her age and so i did advice her a lot along the way.

Caroline - another interesting girl ( my second daughter ) . shes a lil tomboyish and girlish but you can definitely see that shes a strong woman in God and in some ways i do admire her strong spirit . but when she broke down during throne room i felt touch and immediately went to care for her .

Wendy- she was this really silent person who just wouldnt open up . but on the last day i found out why she wasnt opening up because she does have a lot on her mind and yeah she was afraid to be judged by leaders in the church . i will continue to pray for her .

Kirsten and Lydia - they are sisters who live in my neighbourhood ack where i came from and being their coach was interesting . they are from first baptist church which do have pretty conservative backgrounds and are also pretty innocent. it was good to help them along the way with the struggles of christianity that wasnt really working out in their church.

Tabitha- a sister of one of teenstreet mates during contagious . ( i cant believe i am coaching the younger sis now ) . she was pretty quiet but she did have some struggle to share during our net times which were really insightful and helped the girls to open up more.

aileen - she was this singaporean girl who barely said two words in our net discussion and she ddint really participated well in our net , even when we were doing a dancing competition in the main hall towards a malay song. we had to really chide her to join us

the fact that i played this swedish game and i won our two games makes me so proud . I never felt this way about a sport before and it really boost up my confidence in trying new things and sports . peter the swedish guy even told me i could qualify for the european league ... hehe

shhh time this year varied , previous years all i did was observe nature and walked the grounds of KTJ . this year however i did 3 days of that and two days i stayed inside. i took photo of leaves , ants on a wire , the scenery surrounding the campsite . i wrote a poem on one day and the last day i just spent praying to God about which ministry to choose and to serve in when i come back to church . ( i have been asked to serve in five which makes me distress about which to choose ) .

i really do treasure the friendships i made this year at teenstreet because they were different from all the previous years .

Stop the drop: Recognize , Reject, Remove the idols from your lives
Live for the Lord : the Lord of Life , Law , Love
Go for God: Get in , Get up , Get out ,

The theme was Human to make us fully realize that was humans in comparison to God we are more sinful in nature and what were the steps we took to make sure that we turn more towards God .

i guess thats it ... if you read til here i applaude you seeing as this was a really long post

being vunerable

i dont know why but i seem to be always apologizing for not updating my blog. maybe because i tend to only write in it when i really feel the need to. if not i wouldnt care about updating it no matter how free i am .

my life has been mundane and meaningless which got me thinking that i havent actually been doing anything productive for myself . for the first time in life i feel empty with really nothing to excite me or keep me contented for long while. i get bored easily. what has my life come down to... why am i suddenly so lazy and ignorant not wanting to do anything.

and it is in these times which lead to thoughts of whether you regret anything that has happened to you. i know i am not suppose to base what i feel upon one person . but somehow my life has changed because of it ... in fact i understand more what some of my friends are going through.the total change of 180 degrees, i was surprise that a person could change that much but it happens.and it happened to ..........me.

there hasnt been a word said between us since the last text you sent me because i didnt reply back. on the surface i just want to be stubborn and ignore you seeing as you dont care so much about me anymore , but deep down i still question whether you still do hover cause you were just like that even when we were together ..... i know i can never change how you feel and i cant force you do anything for me ..... so i am just going ito leave it in a tiny box at the back of my mind with a really faint flame that you would come back but the odds are definitely against me .

At times i wonder whether you still think about me
At times i wonder whether i mean to you at all
At times i wonder why did it turn out to be
At times i wonder why wont you call

I hate you for ending this
I hate you for putting hope into it
I hate you for making me miss
I hate you for not putting effort in the end one bit.

Just look at what you have turned me into
Just look at what you have done
Just look at what you have to put me through
Just look ....at what ... you have ... done

missing updates

hey readers of my blog ... i know i havent been updating ...times passes really fast and its already a month since i last blogged .

for this entry ill just probably write down what i remember the last few weeks of what i did in cardiff before i left for my tour of UK and Rome.

I remember i went out with Gareth and Audrey the weekend before i had my IP exam . we went to watch Nght at the musuem 2 which was great . i really glad to have spent more time with gareth ... we really bonded this term and yeah now we are great buds. Its been pretty rough year with its ups and downs with him but it all worked out ok in the end. we both gained a good friend out of this, i know i can depend on him and he can depend on me

that same weekend Logos Hope docked at Cardiff Bay. I went down to see Ethan who was on the ship worknbg for 3 months . he told me his experiences and brought us around the ship for free. even got to see the kitchens which actually was a place visitors werent suppose to step into. Thanks Ethan me and my girlfriends enjoyed attending church service on the ship and the tour.

one of the days i went out with a bunch of frnech people. its been a nice year with them because they included me in most of their outings and well they truly dd take care of me when we went clubbing. this time though i met up wth a friend whom he and his friend began to fought over me in the club. both of them gave me lovebites which hurt the next day . and yes this hypergal did went further than she should . totally regret it and never doing it ever again ( p.s. dont worry guys am still a virgin )

then the next day Dr corrie took me to bristol to visit this other old lady , mrs olwen.shes 80 and she is stll so active . playing piano for concerts , weddings, teaching people to play . i really do admire the energy she has .

met up nicole for lunch which i didnt see her for the whole term. finally gettng a day to spend tme with her was the best thing. she cooked me this pasta bake which tasted delicious. then had to rush off to the Pot for a meeting with roselyn which we caught up over coffee. love that restaurant . then had to rush to Xiu mei's house for a farewell party for martina. we also celebrated the birthdays which were going to be in the summer hols where we werent going to meet each other. we went clubbing after the scrumptious dinner. the club we went to was a club for working adults . was pretty funny to see working adults so vunerable but at the same time there were those who could not keep their hands to themselves. there was one who was really nice to me and in fact he wasnt bad looking either . he was from south hampton down with his mates on a short weekend break . he told me he works as a police officer , i expect he was in his early 30s. my friends even went home with him . i couldnt cause i had Cu beach party the next day.

Cu beach party was really wet , it rained the whole day . and we all felt miserable that the rain ruined our day but oh well we made the best of it. we went to mumbles beach , had our bbq in the shade and plenty of hot chocolate and drinks in the pubs and cafe up the road. i stuck on with any, malcom, steve, dai, katherine, which in impulse we all decided to organixe a last get together , with me as the cook . overall i had fun though with this group of people , made me feel so at home. its been a great year with them seeing as we all share the same group of friends.

i met up with tim as well the day of his exams and well just shared a lunch in the park . it was pretty awkward but oh well , it was for the better to establish that we were just friends and no longer and chance of being together ever again. i even bought him a card and gave him a shirt for his birthday which was the weekend 7/6. then the next time i saw him was when we were with the same group of friends we shared , which was phoebe, darren, dai, katherine,oli, helen,tim.it was great beng with them , i always felt welcome when i was around them . they were my support group this year and i wouldnt have made it without them eventhough they were a year older. will treasure their friendships.

the eve of this lunch i had to cook dinner for the last gathering , which i made curry chicken, stir fry veggies and rice . steve, alice mitchell. malcom. amy, katherne, dai ,jager and i invted aliastair since i didnt want to be the odd one out of that group. i guess we all had a great time laughing and taking pictures. its so sad wont be able to see aliastair anymore seeng as he is going to oxford for the next year to work with mini coopers.

then went to london to meet up with Pei xia and we had a makeover with studio london which was really fun . purchased 4 shots , cost me a bomb though , never ever doing these things ever again.and stayed with Uncle Pey kan and aunty Helen . the children were really adorable and sweet . i cant believe that emma is so grown ! i am truly amazed that time has passed so fast .

guess thats all for now ... i'll blog about my trip with my family in the next entry rght now have to go and make dinner talk to you guys soon

updates

hey guys i know i havent been blogging for a while just seem to be pretty busy this week. have my two last exams . in fact just had one today . i am freaking tired ...from the lack of sleep . there is nothing much to blog about really apart from the fact that i have been studying loads.

after my paper on last thursday decided to take a break for the day and went round to sengenhydd to meet up with a few people. hannah machin and i spent the afternoon catching up and went round to the art gallery . the orginal blue lady that has been hosted in ths particular art gallery has now gone on tour. it was really sunny that day so we basked in the sun on the lawn area just outside the musuem. later after dinner which i made a fantastic roast chicken with cauliflower cheese i hopped over to jacqueline's house . this would be my first time going over to her place after this whole year which is awesome. she was on the top floor of H block in sengenhydd . Rownie came along too and we started chatting happily. love the good times with girlfriends . they were so sweet to walk me home too which they didnt have to but they did.

the musuem area.

although on the spur of the moment on saturday, me and audrey decided to take a trip to birstol . not bad getting tickets by bus for just 9 pounds both ways. it was great and all having it been sunny and all me and audrey did was relaxed by shopping the entire day . bought 3 items - lasenza underwear ( shared the 5 for 12 pounds wth audrey ), a overalls dress from miss selfridge, and a pair of sneakers from new look which i truly love .ended with a dinner with my cousin who is currently at university of Bristol doing her final year of law. it was great to see you again couz !

well woke up on sunday morning feeling rubbish, even after church didnt feel at all better . was just thinking loads about him that day and it really pulled my esteem down. thought about him to the point i just couldnt take it anymore and decided to text him. he did reply until the very next day . which did make me feel slightly better but crap at the same time. he somehow doesnt understands how much he meant to me. but i bet he is trying to sort things out in his private life hopefully.....

audrey and mua

blogging more about my recent new found addicted activity .its pretty bad and i definitely would have to cut down on it .... seeeing as my bank account money just flying away without really know where its going . * drum roll *......... its ebay ! ebaying here is great its reliable and trustable and to date i have had 8 items . i really need to put it more under control next year.

oh and another ! i am tuned in to Britains got talent ! every single day of the week now ! its so amazing to see the talent they have in britain! flawless amazing dance group , diversity ( interesting choreography ) , Shaheen Jafargholi( am rooting for him because he is my friend's cousin ) , shaun smith ( the hot guy, who is 17 , who sings really well) , stravros and flately ( the funny greek dancers ) and finally the overally rated Susan Boyle. gonna be watching another round of it tonight ... hehe cant wait

before i go .... recently i have had two weird dreams ... involving two murders which freaked the hell out of me . one had a buffet which we all ended up drinkng two people's blood and the chefs aim from the start was to find these two people and kill them and the next dream had me and my extended famly running away from killing someone in a car

anywayz to end this entry , here is a pic of the view outside my window . you wouldnt expect wales to be this sunny eh ?

peace y'all.

a week and more

time for another entry ...

i am way bored out of my mind right now studying land law .... the cases just wouldnt stick into my brain. i dont know how i am going to survive on monday. maybe ill pull an all nighter on sunday who knows.

allow me to just blab a lil about my week .this week has been pretty intense with studying but at the same time my social life was once in its open . as i had a weeks time to spare to study for one subject so i decided to let go a lil .

been spending time at audrey's more cause i really do find the engineering library very comfortable to study in . and not only that theheating hasbeen permanently turned off since spring has arrived but its still soooooo cold . somehow audrey's hall seems warmer. i had the excitting privellege to cook for two of audrey'a housemates . seemed that they both enjoyed it.

Fun Fact : the egg box i bought from tesco and left in audrey's all had double yolks in it ... we were so lucky .... its like we struck gold . heres a picture of our fascination : lol

there was one night staying over at aud's place i think it was monday where we all just let go after exams and well played twister ... unfortunately i had a cold then so i couldnt really bend upside down wouldnt want my flu to be running everywhere . but it was hillarious to see them battling out each other . laura and gary were exceptionally funny . plus there were many a times that gary did try to hit on aud .... could definitely see that he likes her ... hopefully he does make amore significant move to get her attention . shes a stubborn bull who would only go out with a guy if shes been asked .

Ed

laura & gary

gary

well from tuesday to wednesday i had pure luxury of staying in town with one of my friends . she has a posh apartment next to the capitol which was freaking awesome. it was just like staying in a hotel . i felt so pampered . she seriously has loads to splash. i really did make full use of her sky tv. watched loads of tv programmes .and well had the privellege of studying on a sofa which was absolutely comfortable. i got to eat nasi lemak with sambal too which she cooked. really did feel at home there and was very refreshed the next day .

wednesday rolled round , woke up and left illy's house at 11 cause needed to head to sainsburys and by pure luck, fate or whatever you called it , i met my dear olly , who previous night text me to asked me to go for a gig with him that night. there was a lil misunderstanding on being to lovey dovey in our text,wouldnt blame him to think that way , i can be pretty flirtatious. felt a jolt of excitement leaped in me when i saw him . it really made my day. it was funny that he was shopping for ingrediants to make spaghetti bolognese, didnt really know what to get so i guided him along the way.

had lunch at Xiu mei's house with martina . i decided to try out the bbq, curry powder recipe for the chicken ( thanks div , i still remember the recipe you gave ) . it was delicious . we had a salad and baked potaotes on the side ... yummy ..... it was then down to solid work and doing my laundry at the same time. went out to dinner with Dr Corrie at Tenkaichi seeing as she hasnt tried japanese before ... so i introduced her to the food . she loved it, and the conversations we had were great. in a way yes you could say shes is sort of like my surrogated grandmother in cardiff and i am honoured to have one who is her.

not too long then 10 rolled round which i then walked to olly's to walk to town . the gig was aparently held at rococos . i had a malibu and olly had two carlings. i shared some of olly's carling as well .the gig turned out to be great. the band was called bluegrass and had two members.one played the double bass and the other was a guitarist who occasionally tapped on the base drum. they played the 1930s american music which was great. a few to name was dont know why by norah jones, the bare-necessities in the disney movie the jungle book, some old welsh song for rugby, johnny cash songs . i totally enjoyed myself and olly's company .

Bluegrass

thursday i had lunch with louisa hocking at the pot up crwys road. this cafe is really small but yet they served such authentic food and shakes . well worth the prices too ! we were both trying to get to know each other better since we have been postponing it since before easter . but it was great having to get to know more about her life and she'll still be in cardiff next year .... yay ! means i can spend more time with her .....

yesterday pretty much had a study day at home ... with andre taking me out to dinner at an indian restaurant down city road. ended up sitting in the exact same table the last time i went there with andrew . but yeah andre and i went into complaining modes since we both love doing that when we talk to each other . we let it all out since neither of us would judge each other . andre is someone whom i could dish out all the dirts and he would hear me out and i do the same for him. afterwards i decided i needed to get out so i went over to his place and he had two other friends over lynn and ariff for a study group ... which was pretty distracting but oh well it was good fun hanging out with them. you wouldnt guess where i ended up ... i ended up sleeping next door in hannah's flat which she willingly made a bed on the floor for me . it was good for me to spend time with her seeing as we havent been catching up much . somehow i still feel a slight jealousy for her though and her current bf . ( they started the same time i did but are still going strong whereas mine isnt ) this is a personal battle that i have been trying to push away to not let it get in the way of our friendship . i am trying but its difficult.

and here i am on a saturday writting down what the past week has been . oooo almost forgot, slight opening up session with my housemate gaz as he was telling me about his worries for his course , and what to do next . i would say that was great seeing that i was more needed and he wouldnt push me away to depend on his own feet .

guess thats all i have to say for now ... a bit panicky for my land law exam on monday ... pray hard and wish me luck !

the week

hey people ,

hypergal here has been settling back into cardiff .. been back for a week now ...sorry guys from not updating asap . just had to get my rhythm back .

i flew on the 28th and arrived on the29th . on the plane there was an old lady hyperventalating next to me which was pretty freaky ... she could have died ... but i guess she just had trouble breathing and the flight attendants had to attend to her with oxygen tanks and :( i had to get out of my seat for that. think it was roughly half an hour. besides that all was well. i managed to explore amsterdam airport for 4 hours . i think i walked the whole airport. was pretty interesting. the wed i touched down at 10 am in the morning and called a few people to catch up on. was feeling a lil rubbish so i called one of my best gurl friends and she just told me to do whatever i wanted . so in fact the one thing i wanted to do most was to go and see him.

the meeting was just plain weird. first of all he had the weirdest haircut to date, done by hiis housemate. he was hungover from sustainaball the previous night. i am glad he made effort to see me though.... eventhough it was only freaking 40 min or so. cause at 2.40 he was like i really need to go work .... in my head i was thinking you havent seen me for a freaking month and you cant even spare me an hour. madesmall talk in the kitchen a lil on the way out ... and in midst of it he reached out to hug me so i hugged him back and he certainly didnt want to let go . then at the door i gave him encouragement for his work and wanted to pat his back but instead i got hugged again . i am not going to lie it did felt nice ... but it just made me even more confuse.

i have been thinking loads about it this week. in fact i got "scolded " by three guys this week that i should move on . thanks to one guy in particular who made me realized and come to my senses.
seeing as he put himself in my guy's shoes and said he has been there and done that before ... and it helps that he is english as well so it makes more sense ....;)

stayed with audrey during the weekend which was great since i managed to get some serious studying done and spent time with her.i discovered that the engineering library is really comfortable to study in ! seeing as its new and all... the desks are all so modern and white .... got to know austin and gary better and yeah they are an interesting bunch of people.austin was one of the guys who lectured me about my situation and his black accents all came out ... you know the ones where in the olden days the black old women used it to nag the younger ones ...i love it it was so funny .

stayed with audrey until tuesday .then from tuesday to wed i stayed with sonia in abedare hall.. seriously i thnk abedare hall can be pretty depressing i am glad i dont stay there . the old feeling of it just made me more depress ... but guess i could help her out from being lonely . it might be the reason that i associate there with the fact that in december i was really sick and i was staying there for a week plus . oh well it was a good two days of studying in the library downstairs.

was in law school the whole afternoon getting work done which was great ... although there was an irritating guy next to me who kept walking around every 15 to 30 min or so .... which got pretty annoying. oh well hopefully he did managed to get some criminal law done....

talked to div on facebook about it and yeah we are both going through similar stuff and we both decided to be strong together through this tough situation .

Christian Union at night was enriching cause the worship was great and it made me realized how much more i have to live for rather than sulking about my situation . the topic that night was patience .... there was a point about being patient with people ... it struck me and made me confused a lil on whether i should be more patient with tim ... but then again i need to make myself happy and be content with myself .


overall hypergal is moving on... slowly and surely .... cause i finally realized that i need someone who can cater more to my needs .... and she finally admits that she isnt guilty anymore and is content of being single .

letting go

with this sullen day
passing by
all my thoughts
are focused, just thinking about you

i still query
were we an accident?
was it just for fun ?
werent they treasure memories, we cant just be over and done?

no matter how hard i try
i just cant let go
i know you want me to try harder
but its tearing me apart inside, killing my soul

am sitting on a fence
beng pulled apart
i wish it would mak emore sense
that we never had to depart.

deeper love

many a times
i ponder
on whether
all those moments
were just a series of mimes?

How can i make you understand?
this is how much you mean to me
that i dont just care about you
but also with everything else and your being

i may seem strong
on the forefront, the surface
in actual fact rather
my heart for you , still cries and longs

the power is in your hands
to determine whether we can go on
even with words of denial at
the present moment
i hope and pray your view bends ....

an eventful few days

hey readers of my blog,
the past few days have been really packed with activities. last friday was my sister's birthday .... she actually didnt want to have anything at all . but her friends from SIS decided to throw a surprise birthday for her . she even cried when her wesleyans came for her . 5 guys, which i thought was really sweet of them to turn up and made effort . they even got her a secret recipe cake. i organized some games for her friends to bond and get to know each other better , they looked like they enjoyed it . had catering food which was delicious .

Saturday , my gang took me to FRIM . which was good fun and i managed to get some exercise and catch up with them . it was great to be out with them. always love spending time with them always will. thanks guys for giving me a great day i really did enjoy myself . although i did hurt myself at the waterfall , had a bruised left side cause i slipped on the smooth rocks. but overall it was a good day .

the whole week after this i had loads of motivation to study .just suddenly had that drive , prolly the stress kick in , i just felt myself wanting to read my boring law books every day, and finally found some joy in doing it .

wednesday rolled round, i drove out ! its an acheivement , cause i drove me and yuyi to brickfields to have an indian lunch ! we had a great 3 hours just catching up and i was introducing yuyi to indian food . so it was definitely an experience for her . i really enjoyed it a lot ! thanks Yuyi for giving such a great wednesday, i loved sharing it with you .

well as for today , my cousin purporsely took off work for me to spend time with me today which was really really sweet of her . she came yesterday to sleep over so that she didnt have to rush in the morning from subang. i was really shocked and touched she would do such a thing for me. and so we chatted until 3 am in the morning . and today we basically went to italianese to eat lunch and chatted for 3 hours straight continuing from last night.our conversations were really opened and we shared our worries and our lives . i really love those times .

coming home from this outing another person was waitting for me . jan who is one of my cousin's ex girlfriend, who is now workng as a clinical psychologist. mum was there as well but she opened up old wounds well which made me breakdown of jan and my couz who was still around . sigh .... man i hate these moments they are so embarassing . urggghhh ! but overall had good conversations with jan finding out how she overcame her hurdles when she was my age . shes now currently engage and i am so excited for her ! congrats Jan !

emotionally i have been thinking a lot still about my relationship . i guess its really impossible for me to get you off my mind and i have to accept it as part of my routine that you will jsut continue to pop in everything i do . time will tell . i am still thinking to my stand to wait ... so all i have to have now is just patience to wait and see.

thats all .... til next entry

short rant

here i am guys again ....

its been a great relaxing holiday so far . cause this hypergal has been trying to recover from those emotions she couldnt handle. being back has been great since i have been pampered so much by my family . not so much my friends as my previous posts have mentioned .

there was only one outing this week , which was with Pei ru, my primary school friend whom i havent seen in like 6 years . ( scary thought on how time has flew). it was great to know that she was still the same ole friend i knew in primary school, but obviously now with stronger views about life . the conversations we had were bliss and we found out we both still click after all these years which is great ! would be wanting to spend more time with you in the future my dear ! so with obvious reasons of not seeing each other for so long , there had to be a picture ....this was the highlight of my week .

as this blog is for the needs of my emotional side ..... i shall continue to reveal what is happening. there have been loads of dreams lately which freaks me out completely when i wake up in the morning . i get that weird tingling feeling when i get up as if i have not slept properly at all.

to stand on my own two feet ?

well readers of my blog ....

i have been back home for more than a week now .

nothing excitting has much happen. i get to see my family ( my dad's side as well), some close friends, only have met up with 3 friends so far . i would say its pretty pathethic. i know its exam period and i am suppose to be studying and doing my assignments but on the other hand well i should also be in some way catching with my friends right?

wrong.... well the first week i just had an awful sleeping time table . i think it still happens ... i slept at 4am and woke up the next day at around 2 ( which if you had to convert would be about10 pm in UK and 8 am ).

the routines everyday its the same....i get up eat lunch, then start work straight away .then well have dinner and continuing working. i guess you could say its a good thing i am concentrating .... but its all just on the surface

the reality in fact - my mind still wonders about my whole situation and how much i truly miss him. i have been pulled like a rubber band on both ends stretch between two views on how i am suppose to handle this.

on one end , people say that i am young and naive to even give him anymore chances since i have been hurt so badly and that i should just completely move on . and that i definitely deserve better than this . there are those who lecture me about still doing things for him. i shouldnt even be friends with him anymore. but i really hate making enemies eventhough someone has hurt me i still will be friends with them. the tagline- there are many more fishes in the sea .....

the other end of the spectrum , there are those went through similar situations that say he does deserve my chance and well i should continue to support him and be there for him cause he needs me most now in this vunerable period. i am touched by the amount he had changed for me in that short period we were officially together. i mean isnt that what love is suppose to be ... its not all the glitz and glam which are shown in the movie but of how honest and "ugly" you can be in front that other half and yet still love each other. i would say me and him have passed that stage ..... and yes we have fit this definition of love. tagline-you truly love the one person for who they are

if there was one thing however that i learnt from this relationship is yes to listen to people's views but really its all up to my own decision in the end and people shouldnt influence it anymore and that i should not waiver. i have to make a stand on my own views and feet.

the Akon song - Right Now ( Na na na ) somehow just sings the desire of my heart now for this particular situation .


i guess thats all i have to write about

til next entry

xx

peace out

returning to homeland

heya readers of my blog,

just here to say that Hypergal is going back to malaysia at the 17:35 flight from cardiff to malaysia

will be arriving at 15:00 on tuesday .

wahay !!!!! Malaysia here i come !

a gurlz night out

my dear olly

Anna and Bing
Bing and Martina

Xiu mei and Mua

Xiu Mei and Bing

i have something to blog about how amazing...

last night Xiu mei's household decided to have a girl's night out and well we had a huge dinner and later on we had drinks

let me list down the drinks we had :

4 bottles of white wine

one vodka shot each

and foster beers ( prolly each of us had one , cause we shared it among ourselves)

starting off with the wine at home and then we went to the welsh club at 12. which was really fun the club was really small and it was pretty comfortable.

i got a stamp on my left hand now stating CLWB IFOR BACH ILAWR which is in welsh not really sure whether it was the club's name though.

the five of us girls - Martina, Anna , Bing, Xiu Mei and me . we were all happily dancing on the dance floors. even some of us girls managed to pick up guys .... hehe including me ....

even met up with a really good friend Oliver Ludlow in the same club . Fate i tell you ! i really wanted to meet him and i got to spend a bit of time with him in the club ..... good ole mate gonna miss you when i am back in malaysia for a month ....

anywayz a bg thank you gurls for a wonderful night out ... i think i really needed it after all the circumstances that was happening to me for the past month.

guess thats all for now.

Rock on people !

rant on

i know its been ages since i updated my blog and i am sorry to those who have been expecting something from me to be written.

if you knew my whole situation you would understand why i havent been in the mood to write . i know people say that when you feel down in emotions you should write it to make it feel better but seriously i had no mood to face my dear little ole blog.

the emotions that i have been feeling for the past few weeks have been really complicated. you could say that it is too hard for a 19 year old like me to understand. i have been trying to take this as maturedly as possible but break down at the slightest things that reminded me of the times i had with him.

i know that the both of us had learnt a lot from this short stint of a relationship and we both care a lot for each other . to put it spiritually , God has taught me a lot in this too. i learnt how to be humble to summit to someone and to depend more on myself instead of living up to other people expectations. why didnt this relationship continue you may ask? just to put it in exact words like he said ... we are both on different pars and levels of expectations for a relationship and it will never come to the same level. he in fact is less matured in some ways and i am in my ways which would never be compatible to each other.

I have been thinking loads about this that at times my brain just felt that it wanted to explode. it really has been too hard on my frail body . i lost sleep , i cried my eyes out and even yelled at the top of my lungs . my housemates, who normally dont really care about me were even shock and well came to my aid and were there for me .

from one discussion with a a friend we have discovered that asian values towards friendship and the british values are different. british people not to offend anyone are well not willing to go out all the way for a person and care, not as much as an asian anyway . i mean yeah there are those asian which can be selfish too . but seriously people it was a really touching experience when some brisith people went all out for me and were there to support me . i nearly cried and was really touched ... especially when my ex tried to change and open up to me . that feeling is really indescribable.

overall i do not regret in any way that i was in that relationship as it was a really interesting experience . as quotes say ... life would be boring without the ups and downs.

i guess thats about what i have to rant on til next time ;)

heart slices

our hearts made as a whole
each day pieces are affected
happy or sad
they come and go



the drama of it all
when it doesnt work out
the way you want it to
making you tremble and fall



a slice has been cut
right out of that space
from your reasons
there was no way to rebutt



you, in fact ripped that slice
crushed and tred upon it
without the slightest care
there is nothing you can do now to repay the price....

the unexpected

you came into my life
in an unexpected time
when my moments were bliss
and my social life at prime


this strange thing happened
and all of a sudden
my emotions went havoc
but one in particular sharpened


I didnt know what to do
was lost and confused
as to whether the signs
you gave were clues


then came that auspicious day
where btoh our actions gave in and couldnt say nay
and as awkward it may seem to be
I do hope it works out between you & me


this was the poem that i wrote for my dear ...for valentines day .

it was a great day .... we went to bute park for a little stroll,since i have never been there. we walked by the river it was really sweet. then we had to hurry to canton which is quite a walk away. there was an art cinema there called the chapter.

we watched a film called Gardens in Autumn( french film) whereby it was based on frnech ministers being disposed off office and had to lead normal lives again. the movie was awfully slow . me and tim felt bored and hungry. hehe.... but we managed to survived through it . then we had lunch at the theatre's cafe, walked back to my place to collect my stuff.

then we went over to his place to watch rugby . wales vs england.wasnt too bad actually . the guy Sakey who scored for England did a really good run, eventhough he was behind the two other welsh players. then he cooked dinner for me ( mango curry chicken ) , i made pech crumble for dessert . it was really delicious !

thats about it guys ... all i have to say

slow steady

heya guys !

back again its been snowing in cardiff and its been awesome will upload the pics soon . just wanted to write about my weekend trip to london again !

you guys must be wondeirng this girl has gone nuts going to london like so many times in a row ! but oh well it was a great trip since i got to watch Les Miserables.

it was awesome ! i really loved it. i grew up with those songs from young and really appreciated them. thanks dad for letting me hear them from young !

we had malaysian food at malaysian hall! it brings back the meories .... i miss malaysian food ! the ones you can get off a hawker stall. loses for being in cardiff .... dont get me wronf i love everything else of cardiff its been great .

this dear hyped- emotioned girl has already got her second half and shes content with everything she has now .

slow steady
As elders always say slow and steady
wins the race
and for a fact couples
should take their relationship at that pace

Rushing into things
causes the excitement
to fly out the window
what else would you have to look forward to ?

appreciate the life
you lead each day
cause it is
God's gift that you are alive today !

snow snow !

its snowing in cardiff !!!!


weeeeeeeeehhheeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everything else is going well tooo !!!!!

lol

hillarious ! hyper !

question, suggestion

Even being in this situation
does not make it any better
cause of the unwillingness
of communication.

you leave me in confusion
as to what we are
as our actions
speak different from our words

do i have the right to question?
whether we truly are
could you quickly
make a suggestion ?

bliss

apologies guys i know i havent been blogging in like a while

i have actually been learning quite a bit of life really on how you should really apprieciate the little things that come by your way. the friends around you , little gestures that people do for you, even a great day and bonus if there is a great scenery in front of you.

God has bless me with this loving group from friends from second and third year. they make me so at home as if i have always belong. there should be more people like this in this world . encouraging bunch they are and always happy, there is never a dull moment.

i have written as my new years resolution that i would treat guys more as friends rather than prowling about for my next mate. my friends have been really supportive of me by guiding me through it and making sure i do not fall. they have been honest with me and although it caused a little tension here and there our friendship stayed. that was how strong our friendship were and how willing we were to work at it.


all i can say is that life has been treating me well .... with all the lessons i am going through and stress of workloads starting to pile up again . i am yet content with my life and everything has been fulfilled .

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1Corinthians 13;4-13

a beautiful few days

lol everything i did this week was just a bliss and i was really really happy

i dont know why but i have never been this happy

the whole week i have been content with what happened.

Monday i spent the whole day in the library just doing my work and i finished the majority of it so was really rpoud of myself.

then the whole of tuesday i gave myself the day off which i went to the musuem with Dr corrie in the afternoon then we had lunch after. i really enjoyed it. andrea messaged me to call out for help that he was sick so i decided to visit him later. i did my laundry while going to Lidls. got it all done in perfect timing. then at night went to John Dent's house for dinner this time was to cook for him and his flat mates. i cooked curry and rice . xiu mei stir fry veggies. then we has marble sand cake with custard for dessert. it was excitting cause got to meet new people. nicholas hibbert-hingston. interesting guy to talk to . exploring the areas . there is a posibility of something more or maybe not ... it really doesnt matter. itood friend alto would be good to have him as a good friend. even John Dent is a good friend too. that day i invited dominic and andrew over too. they enjoyed themselves as well . man i really felt content and fulfilled that i could have donethings for people.i just felt that my life was really great as it is and that i didnt waste a day.

wednesday i woke up with the morning doing my work, then afternoon i spent the whole day with nicole corbit which was really enjoyable cause i had lunch at her place and then we went to town shopping for a bit. i bought a pair of flats for 3 pounds i really cant believe my luck . they were so cheap :) . then Dr corrie came to pick me up to stay at her house for a day . which i found was most relaxing . i got to watch the news and spend time with her. we had a salmon pastry for dinner. it was really delicious ! and i had the best sleep ever in such a warm comfortable bed.

came back on thursday morning. did more work at home and then at night went over to John dent's house again for dinner which had tim harvey, laura davie and her boyfriend over.we had a a baked potatoe pie with peas . then we had to plan nick's party which was this sunday . they came up with this politically incorrect party .... i dont even know what to dress as ! theb after the planning . me and john watched this french film which was really interesting.

then friday came round ... john woke me up for prayer meeting but i just couldnt be bothered to go cause i felt so tired ! then went back to bed . did some more work before passing up sunita's and my tort essays. then went to the library to take out a book and then came home. did some more work and then had lunch while waitting for tim coles to come pick me up.

i had a really a good day with him today . we went to watch the reader . it was a really deep and interesting film. i love serious films like that and glad that tim shares similar interest. we then went for hot chocolate afterwards in Cafe Nero. we spent a whole lot talking . then walked back to my place to rest a bit before we went for dinner at George Pub . that was where tim met one of his old friends josh . he was a really nice guy , then there was this guy chris there who really looked like pete wentz from Fall out Boy. then after dinner we left that pub to go to crwys pub for a beer. he had a brains and i had a heinikein. the whole day we alternate to paying . he paid for the more expensive stuff and i paid for drinks all day . hehe a bit unfair to him really .

thats about my week so far i suppose . just felt like blogging to share my happiness all around !

Be Happy and Make the most out of your days people !

manchester & london

hey guys, to let you in on my holidays

Manchester

i would say it was a really homely holiday and anna's faMily were really warm and loving. the food was pretty bad but became better as the days passed , i didnt complain of course i just ate .

anna's twin (kate)was really matured and nice , she really made me feel as if i was wanted. John- their younger brother who is 9 was so so so cute . he had a tumour in his head last last year which turned out to be cancer. but he is ok now . the treatment however stunted his growth and he now has to inject himself everyday with growth hormones. i tucked him to bed at night everyday . it was such a joy to have a younger sibling for a few days ,lighten up the parents load. rachel is the younger sis doing her a levels now . studying french, politics and english lit.b i talked to her about harry potter most of the time haha. shes a nice girl. she fell ill during christmas so she didnt enjoy it as much but i made sure she was as happy as possible since being sick and alone is no fun. the father ,

dennis ( the father). is a really fascinating man to talk to . his fire for God is so huge . his passion for Thailand is really big. he was so happy for christmas since we had so much thai people over and he told me he was really proud of me for being so friendly and being down to earth and his advice still rings in my head ,saying that i do have a gift of making people feel at home and wanted.

the mom- jane is a lil hyper ....hehe .... cause she worries like my mum and speaks really fast as well.---- guess thats where anna got it from. i even met some of anna's relatives who came from south london ( like their nanny for example ) she is a lovely lady ,spent the afternoons chatting with her and getting to know about their histories.

on boxing day , anna's family brought me on a canal boat which one of the relatives on the dad's side own . it was excitting since i have never been on a canal boat before. and we had smoke salmon and salad for lunch it was really good. went to the city twice, visting china town during one of the visits - but going out was nothing excitting. the lines were really long and i didnt feel like queing to buy anything so i hardly spend any money in manchester.

London

took the early train to london arrived at 12 ish . waited in the station for an hour for eu joe and pei xia since they took a later train . derek was there to accompany me too ( he came down from liverpool) . so we spent time catching up and talking. then they finally arrived so we went to the hotel which was in zone 4 in newbury park. joe's aunt gave up her reward points for us for a room in holiday inn. it was a really comfortable hotel for the four of us . Thank you aunty !!!

i slept with pei xia and derek and eu joe slept together. the first day we didnt really do anything we were really hungry as all of us didnt have lunch so we had like early dinner late lunch at 3 something. then after went back to hotel and talked and played cards together. pei xia bought a map that was meant for cars which prove to be useless since it would look silly if we openend it up in the middle of the street.

the second day which was 30th dec - we went to covent gardens in the morning. the guys didnt really enjoy it since they werent shopping kind. that was where nithi met up with us . joe had to sacrifice for him and slept on the floor with comforters. in the afternoon we just took a really slow walk by the thames and took a lot of pictures of london bridge. sat in a cafe for a warm drink for it to get dark since derek wanted to take london bridge when it was dark . it was beautiful ! i am so glad i spent time with derek cause his camera was so sharp . he really took care of me which was really sweet of him really ! hehe. dinner time sunita took us to a malaysia restaurant . so i had my hokkien me XD, i had teh tarik too , others had fried rice and nasi lemak.

on 31 st - we went to madame tussauds musuem it was 20 pounds !!!!! but we got a discount ! from 30 since it was a public holiday they charged higher. once .... will never do it again ...... it was alright i suppose . taking pics with the wax figures and there were two rides inside. 1. chamber od horrors , 2. sort of like a disney ride like its a small small world ride in disneyland. then the afternoon we went to oxford street .... the shops were amazing ! ! so huge !.... we thought it was new years eve so we spent it on quite an expensive dinner eating at a steakhouse . 20 pounds too ! it was pretty good though although the waiter didnt really like us

we stood in the cold for 3 hours near Big Ben and Westminster parliament, watched the fireworks from the london eye it was really pretty . but definitely not worth waitting in the cold ! then later the train stations after were chaos and hectic ! we had to wring each other arms all the way to make sure no one got lost. we all made it in one piece. we reached home at 3 ish in the morning.

woke up on new years day at like 12 ....we decided to explore parks . so we went to green park , walk by hyde park , and managed to go into harrods ! it was huge ! and amazing i have never seen so many branded stuff ! eujoe and derek bought chocolates for 16 pounds which was like woah that is expensive ! just for the name sake and brand.we went buckhingham palace and queen victoria's memorial . we took a lot of photographs ! i cant wait to show you guys !

i know this really is a brief story of london .... i dont know how else to tell it though

but i totally enjoyed my trips and would do it again ! i was planner for london and it worked out !! hope to do it again !

By the way guys

HAPPY NEW YEAR and hopefully 2009 will be a great year for you all !!