Emotion Overload

hey guys ,
well updates on my last week ....my emotions have been overpowering me in odd ways until to the point that i am actually having nightmares almost everyday and i seem to be remembering what i dreamt the day before ....he well isn't paying attention to me at all and well i am hoping that he will realize it someday and i can be with him but of course this all has to be God's will if it isnt then i shall accept it ....
life is well complicated i mean when you like someone that someone doesnt seem to want to like you back and us girls in Asia dont get to make the first move as it is considered taboo in our nation which i hate actually and well so far most of my relationships with guys have been my first move and well i am sick and tired of doing it anymore ... with this , the results of my past relationships all went for failure we didn't go past the six month safe bench as they call it in romance books (except for one) ......
i have also been thinking a lot about how i would really feel when i go to Australia to study and well i am prety happy that i will be going to anew country and well to experience new things but at the same time i am also scared that i would be under the influence of the people there and i would do stupid things when i am there which would get me into huge trouble and i am also hoping that i will make the grade so that i will make the grade.
How could I ever show my feelings towards this person i mean i am afraid that he will hurt me and reject me which is most likely cause now he doesnt even call or sms ...out of all the guys that i have actually fallen for so far the best one is the one that currently rules my emotions and my heart ... this well have lasted for over 9 months now and well it can go on for about a year or two cause well i know one guy in my past crush has well lasted long enough and still lasting but now i treat him more as a brother and he takes care of me making sure i dont get hurt by anyone else which is cool too

currently reading a book called If i am so wonderful, why am i single and well its telling me all sorts of things but well i dont think its helping at all and not to say i want a boyfriend now but well i just find it interesting to read books like these to see what they say .....

i guess thats all i have to say for this entry ...til next time ciao