christmas happenings

looking back on the year and christmas as i have stated in the past post that it has been a pretty rough year for me . but i guess its been placed in front of me for a reason to learn something from it and to help me in the future.

christmas was a flow from totally happy to totally sad ... completely ruined from just a single sensitive statement . can you imagine i spent my christmas dinner coop up in my room and not eating anything apart from cereal .... it certainly is a memorable christmas .. in the opposite way
and to add upon it this other person is too dumb to realize that there are people out there who care about her more than that person who she still wants to protect .... who hurt her and she still wants to protect .... ughhhhh ...

Sorry ... i know christmas is suppose to be a season of joy and happiness but i just had to let those things out cause its giving me emotional headaches. on th brighter side of things, our church performance went great, compliments for losing weight and my ole gang coming over to my house for lunch had an awesome time .

well then the next day i went over to SIB church to watch their musical which was great ! they must have spent a bomb on the stage props cause it looked really professionally done . it was a plus point that i got to spend time with my childhood friend again and my pet bro :) . and i got to catch p with my old SIB friends that i met in narrow street . in fact one of them was in the musical ... great job dear ... you were really good as a backup dancer and singer.

lastly before we start blogging in the year 2010 , i had a great time catching up with some old friends whom i met from cardiff , since they were back in malaysia. thanks for a great day yesterday guys, it makes me even miss cardiff more and looking forward to going back in september. ill post those pics up later since they are still in my phone and i havent uploaded them yet .

Anyways.....

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY NEW 2010 ... a new start , a new beginning and a better year.

To God

My path to desire you
has been twisted and frayed
I dont know why but you still
give me a way

Why are you such a fogiving God ?
these questions fills my mind
I definitely don't deserve it
from the sins I do everytime.

Take hold of me , Lord
I'm much scared and vunerable
continue to encourage me , Lord
May I be able

I summit to you
with all that I am
Let me be as faithfuland and obedient
just like Abraham

Lord, You are the Rock of Ages ,
The God Almighty
Let all Christians in stages
forever give their praises .

massive updates

hey people ,

i know i have been on hiatsu for many months now ... generally could not face my blog as i get too emotional everytime i see my blog . but i guess its time for me to snap out of that mode and start writting again .

The past few months have been a real emotional vunerable journey . needed to do some growing up and well face reality . It has made me realized somewhat that i am truly not a kid anymore and i needed to stand on my own two feet and start thinking about what my next step in life was.

massive emotional overload seeing as everything bad suddenly was happening to me. i decided not to go back to cardiff seeing as i truly felt lost about what i was doing and i realized i was a bare-minimum christian in Cardiff. in fact i would have to confess that i have done somethings which i am not very proud of . but i guess what has happened already is past and cannot be taken back . i only can give one clue guys which is to say that i am still a virgin .

everything has settle and i am close to normal but i do break down sometimes when i start thinking about things ( including the ex, and nothing to look forward to ) i cried every other day and seriously i felt my life had no meaning.

i picked up the little bits left and well decided to take up jobs to fill my time . did a stint in megakids whereby its an indoor playground and had to handle and manage kids. then decided that the work was too hard and the pay was too little and my mum found me a job at her academy to teach english to china students.

well the only things that did give me meaning in my life was church and well looking forward to teen street.

Teenstreet
aaaahhh, the good ole days of teenstreet , i never get bored of it . ( not yet anywayz). this year was totally different as it was a smaller scaled camp and it was in Sarawak. It was in this former minister's bungalow in a place called Goshen.

I got to go as a coach this year which was really excittting. I had two days extra before the teens arrive and those times were relaxing. seeing as the house was really empty and well the coaches had a chance to get to know one another and become closer . ok i always describe people i get to know since my main interest is in people

Che chung - this guy is a pastor ! and he is only 24 ( and engaged ) ... which is awesome ! he has so much passion for Christ . His church is doing reading buses bring books to the village areas in Sarawak and well tuition classes are conducted in this home for lousy . and when i say lousy i mean really poor students who at primary 5 cant even do 8 x 7 .

Barnabas - he first ignored me in the home i was resting when waitting for the rest to arrive to go to the campsite. but when we got to know a lil of each other in the car i realized that he was a much nicer person than that . James even said i brought out a side of him which he hadnt seen before.

James - since i mentioned james ill describe him now . he is this 15 year old guy who has a huge passion for God ( pastor ned and aunty siew may 's son) . he is half indian and half chinese . he was funny to have around to tease each other and well we shared a few experiences with each other .

Adam - well first guy i met as a coach on the van even before barnabas . he was extremely sweet and a real gentleman and wanted to help me in everything. he took food for me cared for my well being and we could chat almost about everything under the sun . we were both very interested to get to know each other better. XD ( in fact ill be going to see his church concert performing at sunway pyramid this saturday will blog about it ) . there may be somethings going on there may be not .... seeing as people saw there was chemistry between us and there were sparks. and a few people mentioned he lighted up whenever i walked into the room :) .... but will see how this friendship goes ...

chester - well he and i were mostly talking about english on the van all the way from the airport to the campsite and in fact it was a rather interesting topic. he is a graduate in linguistics and well he majored in english instead of any other language. i liked the fact that he gave me this really nice bear hug before we left each other at the end of camp.

Shu en - shes the darling , as she was the only other girl coach besides me , we spent quite a bit of time together and well she was the sweetest girl. we called each other darlings during the camp and well had this mutual understanding for each other. we both made a pact somehow that she could hang out with barnabas and i could hang out with adam. cause the CLS teenstreet code said that no boy or no girl could be alone.

Martin - this guy was unexpectedly friendly cause i thought he was the type that if you didnt know him he wouldnt care about you. he included me in a lot of stuff and was actually very down to earth and nice to talk to . guess it happens when you make the effort with someone they would open up to you . he was cool and i adopted him as a lil bro .

oooo the twins at camp were an interesting pair ! - David and Jospeh , I had quite a bit of fun trying to recognize who is who and well got to spend time with David during the photo hunt which i discovered he was afraid of chickens . And i spent time with jospeh on the bus getting to know him better even giving him some tips on how to attract girls not that he isnt capable with how nice he is and actually cute ( i am sure girls his age swoon over him ) but i just gave him a lil more insight.

My net people were really close knit and the people from brunei were a really interesting bunch .

Michelle- straight away saw a younger version of me , and i could immediately advice her on everything . we clicked instantly like two peas in a pod and well eventually she started calling me mummy , which i found really funny. but yeah her way of being friendly towards guy did rub wrongly on some people which i totally understood since i was like that at her age and so i did advice her a lot along the way.

Caroline - another interesting girl ( my second daughter ) . shes a lil tomboyish and girlish but you can definitely see that shes a strong woman in God and in some ways i do admire her strong spirit . but when she broke down during throne room i felt touch and immediately went to care for her .

Wendy- she was this really silent person who just wouldnt open up . but on the last day i found out why she wasnt opening up because she does have a lot on her mind and yeah she was afraid to be judged by leaders in the church . i will continue to pray for her .

Kirsten and Lydia - they are sisters who live in my neighbourhood ack where i came from and being their coach was interesting . they are from first baptist church which do have pretty conservative backgrounds and are also pretty innocent. it was good to help them along the way with the struggles of christianity that wasnt really working out in their church.

Tabitha- a sister of one of teenstreet mates during contagious . ( i cant believe i am coaching the younger sis now ) . she was pretty quiet but she did have some struggle to share during our net times which were really insightful and helped the girls to open up more.

aileen - she was this singaporean girl who barely said two words in our net discussion and she ddint really participated well in our net , even when we were doing a dancing competition in the main hall towards a malay song. we had to really chide her to join us

the fact that i played this swedish game and i won our two games makes me so proud . I never felt this way about a sport before and it really boost up my confidence in trying new things and sports . peter the swedish guy even told me i could qualify for the european league ... hehe

shhh time this year varied , previous years all i did was observe nature and walked the grounds of KTJ . this year however i did 3 days of that and two days i stayed inside. i took photo of leaves , ants on a wire , the scenery surrounding the campsite . i wrote a poem on one day and the last day i just spent praying to God about which ministry to choose and to serve in when i come back to church . ( i have been asked to serve in five which makes me distress about which to choose ) .

i really do treasure the friendships i made this year at teenstreet because they were different from all the previous years .

Stop the drop: Recognize , Reject, Remove the idols from your lives
Live for the Lord : the Lord of Life , Law , Love
Go for God: Get in , Get up , Get out ,

The theme was Human to make us fully realize that was humans in comparison to God we are more sinful in nature and what were the steps we took to make sure that we turn more towards God .

i guess thats it ... if you read til here i applaude you seeing as this was a really long post

being vunerable

i dont know why but i seem to be always apologizing for not updating my blog. maybe because i tend to only write in it when i really feel the need to. if not i wouldnt care about updating it no matter how free i am .

my life has been mundane and meaningless which got me thinking that i havent actually been doing anything productive for myself . for the first time in life i feel empty with really nothing to excite me or keep me contented for long while. i get bored easily. what has my life come down to... why am i suddenly so lazy and ignorant not wanting to do anything.

and it is in these times which lead to thoughts of whether you regret anything that has happened to you. i know i am not suppose to base what i feel upon one person . but somehow my life has changed because of it ... in fact i understand more what some of my friends are going through.the total change of 180 degrees, i was surprise that a person could change that much but it happens.and it happened to ..........me.

there hasnt been a word said between us since the last text you sent me because i didnt reply back. on the surface i just want to be stubborn and ignore you seeing as you dont care so much about me anymore , but deep down i still question whether you still do hover cause you were just like that even when we were together ..... i know i can never change how you feel and i cant force you do anything for me ..... so i am just going ito leave it in a tiny box at the back of my mind with a really faint flame that you would come back but the odds are definitely against me .

At times i wonder whether you still think about me
At times i wonder whether i mean to you at all
At times i wonder why did it turn out to be
At times i wonder why wont you call

I hate you for ending this
I hate you for putting hope into it
I hate you for making me miss
I hate you for not putting effort in the end one bit.

Just look at what you have turned me into
Just look at what you have done
Just look at what you have to put me through
Just look ....at what ... you have ... done

missing updates

hey readers of my blog ... i know i havent been updating ...times passes really fast and its already a month since i last blogged .

for this entry ill just probably write down what i remember the last few weeks of what i did in cardiff before i left for my tour of UK and Rome.

I remember i went out with Gareth and Audrey the weekend before i had my IP exam . we went to watch Nght at the musuem 2 which was great . i really glad to have spent more time with gareth ... we really bonded this term and yeah now we are great buds. Its been pretty rough year with its ups and downs with him but it all worked out ok in the end. we both gained a good friend out of this, i know i can depend on him and he can depend on me

that same weekend Logos Hope docked at Cardiff Bay. I went down to see Ethan who was on the ship worknbg for 3 months . he told me his experiences and brought us around the ship for free. even got to see the kitchens which actually was a place visitors werent suppose to step into. Thanks Ethan me and my girlfriends enjoyed attending church service on the ship and the tour.

one of the days i went out with a bunch of frnech people. its been a nice year with them because they included me in most of their outings and well they truly dd take care of me when we went clubbing. this time though i met up wth a friend whom he and his friend began to fought over me in the club. both of them gave me lovebites which hurt the next day . and yes this hypergal did went further than she should . totally regret it and never doing it ever again ( p.s. dont worry guys am still a virgin )

then the next day Dr corrie took me to bristol to visit this other old lady , mrs olwen.shes 80 and she is stll so active . playing piano for concerts , weddings, teaching people to play . i really do admire the energy she has .

met up nicole for lunch which i didnt see her for the whole term. finally gettng a day to spend tme with her was the best thing. she cooked me this pasta bake which tasted delicious. then had to rush off to the Pot for a meeting with roselyn which we caught up over coffee. love that restaurant . then had to rush to Xiu mei's house for a farewell party for martina. we also celebrated the birthdays which were going to be in the summer hols where we werent going to meet each other. we went clubbing after the scrumptious dinner. the club we went to was a club for working adults . was pretty funny to see working adults so vunerable but at the same time there were those who could not keep their hands to themselves. there was one who was really nice to me and in fact he wasnt bad looking either . he was from south hampton down with his mates on a short weekend break . he told me he works as a police officer , i expect he was in his early 30s. my friends even went home with him . i couldnt cause i had Cu beach party the next day.

Cu beach party was really wet , it rained the whole day . and we all felt miserable that the rain ruined our day but oh well we made the best of it. we went to mumbles beach , had our bbq in the shade and plenty of hot chocolate and drinks in the pubs and cafe up the road. i stuck on with any, malcom, steve, dai, katherine, which in impulse we all decided to organixe a last get together , with me as the cook . overall i had fun though with this group of people , made me feel so at home. its been a great year with them seeing as we all share the same group of friends.

i met up with tim as well the day of his exams and well just shared a lunch in the park . it was pretty awkward but oh well , it was for the better to establish that we were just friends and no longer and chance of being together ever again. i even bought him a card and gave him a shirt for his birthday which was the weekend 7/6. then the next time i saw him was when we were with the same group of friends we shared , which was phoebe, darren, dai, katherine,oli, helen,tim.it was great beng with them , i always felt welcome when i was around them . they were my support group this year and i wouldnt have made it without them eventhough they were a year older. will treasure their friendships.

the eve of this lunch i had to cook dinner for the last gathering , which i made curry chicken, stir fry veggies and rice . steve, alice mitchell. malcom. amy, katherne, dai ,jager and i invted aliastair since i didnt want to be the odd one out of that group. i guess we all had a great time laughing and taking pictures. its so sad wont be able to see aliastair anymore seeng as he is going to oxford for the next year to work with mini coopers.

then went to london to meet up with Pei xia and we had a makeover with studio london which was really fun . purchased 4 shots , cost me a bomb though , never ever doing these things ever again.and stayed with Uncle Pey kan and aunty Helen . the children were really adorable and sweet . i cant believe that emma is so grown ! i am truly amazed that time has passed so fast .

guess thats all for now ... i'll blog about my trip with my family in the next entry rght now have to go and make dinner talk to you guys soon

updates

hey guys i know i havent been blogging for a while just seem to be pretty busy this week. have my two last exams . in fact just had one today . i am freaking tired ...from the lack of sleep . there is nothing much to blog about really apart from the fact that i have been studying loads.

after my paper on last thursday decided to take a break for the day and went round to sengenhydd to meet up with a few people. hannah machin and i spent the afternoon catching up and went round to the art gallery . the orginal blue lady that has been hosted in ths particular art gallery has now gone on tour. it was really sunny that day so we basked in the sun on the lawn area just outside the musuem. later after dinner which i made a fantastic roast chicken with cauliflower cheese i hopped over to jacqueline's house . this would be my first time going over to her place after this whole year which is awesome. she was on the top floor of H block in sengenhydd . Rownie came along too and we started chatting happily. love the good times with girlfriends . they were so sweet to walk me home too which they didnt have to but they did.

the musuem area.

although on the spur of the moment on saturday, me and audrey decided to take a trip to birstol . not bad getting tickets by bus for just 9 pounds both ways. it was great and all having it been sunny and all me and audrey did was relaxed by shopping the entire day . bought 3 items - lasenza underwear ( shared the 5 for 12 pounds wth audrey ), a overalls dress from miss selfridge, and a pair of sneakers from new look which i truly love .ended with a dinner with my cousin who is currently at university of Bristol doing her final year of law. it was great to see you again couz !

well woke up on sunday morning feeling rubbish, even after church didnt feel at all better . was just thinking loads about him that day and it really pulled my esteem down. thought about him to the point i just couldnt take it anymore and decided to text him. he did reply until the very next day . which did make me feel slightly better but crap at the same time. he somehow doesnt understands how much he meant to me. but i bet he is trying to sort things out in his private life hopefully.....

audrey and mua

blogging more about my recent new found addicted activity .its pretty bad and i definitely would have to cut down on it .... seeeing as my bank account money just flying away without really know where its going . * drum roll *......... its ebay ! ebaying here is great its reliable and trustable and to date i have had 8 items . i really need to put it more under control next year.

oh and another ! i am tuned in to Britains got talent ! every single day of the week now ! its so amazing to see the talent they have in britain! flawless amazing dance group , diversity ( interesting choreography ) , Shaheen Jafargholi( am rooting for him because he is my friend's cousin ) , shaun smith ( the hot guy, who is 17 , who sings really well) , stravros and flately ( the funny greek dancers ) and finally the overally rated Susan Boyle. gonna be watching another round of it tonight ... hehe cant wait

before i go .... recently i have had two weird dreams ... involving two murders which freaked the hell out of me . one had a buffet which we all ended up drinkng two people's blood and the chefs aim from the start was to find these two people and kill them and the next dream had me and my extended famly running away from killing someone in a car

anywayz to end this entry , here is a pic of the view outside my window . you wouldnt expect wales to be this sunny eh ?

peace y'all.

a week and more

time for another entry ...

i am way bored out of my mind right now studying land law .... the cases just wouldnt stick into my brain. i dont know how i am going to survive on monday. maybe ill pull an all nighter on sunday who knows.

allow me to just blab a lil about my week .this week has been pretty intense with studying but at the same time my social life was once in its open . as i had a weeks time to spare to study for one subject so i decided to let go a lil .

been spending time at audrey's more cause i really do find the engineering library very comfortable to study in . and not only that theheating hasbeen permanently turned off since spring has arrived but its still soooooo cold . somehow audrey's hall seems warmer. i had the excitting privellege to cook for two of audrey'a housemates . seemed that they both enjoyed it.

Fun Fact : the egg box i bought from tesco and left in audrey's all had double yolks in it ... we were so lucky .... its like we struck gold . heres a picture of our fascination : lol

there was one night staying over at aud's place i think it was monday where we all just let go after exams and well played twister ... unfortunately i had a cold then so i couldnt really bend upside down wouldnt want my flu to be running everywhere . but it was hillarious to see them battling out each other . laura and gary were exceptionally funny . plus there were many a times that gary did try to hit on aud .... could definitely see that he likes her ... hopefully he does make amore significant move to get her attention . shes a stubborn bull who would only go out with a guy if shes been asked .

Ed

laura & gary

gary

well from tuesday to wednesday i had pure luxury of staying in town with one of my friends . she has a posh apartment next to the capitol which was freaking awesome. it was just like staying in a hotel . i felt so pampered . she seriously has loads to splash. i really did make full use of her sky tv. watched loads of tv programmes .and well had the privellege of studying on a sofa which was absolutely comfortable. i got to eat nasi lemak with sambal too which she cooked. really did feel at home there and was very refreshed the next day .

wednesday rolled round , woke up and left illy's house at 11 cause needed to head to sainsburys and by pure luck, fate or whatever you called it , i met my dear olly , who previous night text me to asked me to go for a gig with him that night. there was a lil misunderstanding on being to lovey dovey in our text,wouldnt blame him to think that way , i can be pretty flirtatious. felt a jolt of excitement leaped in me when i saw him . it really made my day. it was funny that he was shopping for ingrediants to make spaghetti bolognese, didnt really know what to get so i guided him along the way.

had lunch at Xiu mei's house with martina . i decided to try out the bbq, curry powder recipe for the chicken ( thanks div , i still remember the recipe you gave ) . it was delicious . we had a salad and baked potaotes on the side ... yummy ..... it was then down to solid work and doing my laundry at the same time. went out to dinner with Dr Corrie at Tenkaichi seeing as she hasnt tried japanese before ... so i introduced her to the food . she loved it, and the conversations we had were great. in a way yes you could say shes is sort of like my surrogated grandmother in cardiff and i am honoured to have one who is her.

not too long then 10 rolled round which i then walked to olly's to walk to town . the gig was aparently held at rococos . i had a malibu and olly had two carlings. i shared some of olly's carling as well .the gig turned out to be great. the band was called bluegrass and had two members.one played the double bass and the other was a guitarist who occasionally tapped on the base drum. they played the 1930s american music which was great. a few to name was dont know why by norah jones, the bare-necessities in the disney movie the jungle book, some old welsh song for rugby, johnny cash songs . i totally enjoyed myself and olly's company .

Bluegrass

thursday i had lunch with louisa hocking at the pot up crwys road. this cafe is really small but yet they served such authentic food and shakes . well worth the prices too ! we were both trying to get to know each other better since we have been postponing it since before easter . but it was great having to get to know more about her life and she'll still be in cardiff next year .... yay ! means i can spend more time with her .....

yesterday pretty much had a study day at home ... with andre taking me out to dinner at an indian restaurant down city road. ended up sitting in the exact same table the last time i went there with andrew . but yeah andre and i went into complaining modes since we both love doing that when we talk to each other . we let it all out since neither of us would judge each other . andre is someone whom i could dish out all the dirts and he would hear me out and i do the same for him. afterwards i decided i needed to get out so i went over to his place and he had two other friends over lynn and ariff for a study group ... which was pretty distracting but oh well it was good fun hanging out with them. you wouldnt guess where i ended up ... i ended up sleeping next door in hannah's flat which she willingly made a bed on the floor for me . it was good for me to spend time with her seeing as we havent been catching up much . somehow i still feel a slight jealousy for her though and her current bf . ( they started the same time i did but are still going strong whereas mine isnt ) this is a personal battle that i have been trying to push away to not let it get in the way of our friendship . i am trying but its difficult.

and here i am on a saturday writting down what the past week has been . oooo almost forgot, slight opening up session with my housemate gaz as he was telling me about his worries for his course , and what to do next . i would say that was great seeing that i was more needed and he wouldnt push me away to depend on his own feet .

guess thats all i have to say for now ... a bit panicky for my land law exam on monday ... pray hard and wish me luck !