adrenaline drain from me ...for you

The price you pay for liking someone ... all too much ....A person who is well weak in his/her emotion like me will definitely fail in everything if they do not pull themselves together ... i need to pull myself together ... i am thinking why can't i draw interest from the guys i do actually have feelings for they all see me as their friend but nothing more ...sigh .... i find myself useless in relationships all my relationships are a failure ...pure to doomsday.

i had adrenaline rushes today just thinking about him which is freaky i hate that feeling ... i mean i am so scared to tell him and at the same time i i do tell him now that i like him with all the complications of me going to australia , that i/him will find someone else while i am there and i would lose a good friend forever and itbreaks my heart i am suffering both ways .looks like i cant be happy in both ways no other option but i totally feel its better for me to suffer without him than rather tie him down and be a burden to him .... i do not want to trouble him in any way as i am afraid he will be too stressed up juggling his studies and his life .... i totally care for him enough to not let him know how much feelings i have for him . i shall just suffer alone in this situation without him to carry any of it ... i am trying to be strong to carry this but i almost broke down in tears yesterday thinking about all this ... i just dont want to waste his time in any way
*sob*..................