nervewrecking

today marks the day where i have lifted a heavy burden which i have carried upon myself for the past four years ... actually six years but i did the same act the two years before the four so yeah ...

i have confessed to him and well i guess nothing has happened but oh well i wasnt expecting anyway ... just wanted to let it off my chest i managed to do that which is a good sigh of relief ...

i am moving on for good if he doesnt responds...

thats all

ciaoz

materialism

the other day .. me and a guy was chatting on msn about being materialistic .. i guess all of us has that characteristic in us. we all struggle with it to some point of our lives . I personally am a compulsive shopper .... I shop for emotions in order to de- stress I love walking around the mall and looking at the things that I dont have yet ...

but the right track thing is that we all try to overcome it . like that guy said he wants to try to be more like Christ as the bible say so. care less about worldly things and focus more on God.

like how my pastor in church said a statement today which was really significant ... " we have left the worldly things, but it has not left us "

guess i have been thinking too much about everything lately ... i should tone down and control . assignments does things to you especially LAW . Its torturous man ... but i guess thats Uni for you

thanks to someone who has been praying for me and giving me all the right advices ... appreciate it a lot ... love ya dear .

what if your ex tells you this

what i will reply to the statement s

why did you let me go ?
well cause you were a playa ... and you were too into yourself

Can I win you back ?
unlikely

But I am very much happy with you back then ...
i have already move on and you too ... so why say this

I still love you .
I dont believe you

When did we last talk ?
peobably will just answer casually when we did

Can you go out with me ?
* acting naive * in what sense ? friends ?

Hey can I give you ride ?
sure...

Were you able to move on ?
took me a long time yeah but i managed ... ( you asked me that many times )

I regret losing you .
Too bad ... then you shouldnt have broke up with me in the first place

My parents do not like you .
Yeah you told me that before ... whatever

You have changed.
in what way -_^?

naivity

hmmm flirt on ... your emotions fly high like you are on autopilot mode.... it can be a good thing ... its can be really unhealthy... emotional high never go there cause you wont be able to stop talking about it and it will just affect your life totally

can be bad too ... if you do it overboard with someone and it turns out awkward instead of a good outcome... argggh i didnt know how much i felt about that guy ... maybe i shouldnt have done it ! it was definitely the wrong timing and well i havent really gotten to know him properly yet ...it was so Impulsive of me !!! WHATS WRONG WITH ME ! i felt i need more drama in my life ! i got it .. and i got what i deserve.i am never asking a guy out ever again .... not ever ... it was really stupid of me ...i had to go and ruin a perfectly good friendship ... i am so naive !!!

thanks to those people who told me that they will always be there for me through everything ( thick and thin ), and that you hold my back ... it means a lot ... i reciprocrate the same deed ... [ you know who you are ].. i really appreciate it a lot

blur emotions

have you felt something you dont even know what exactly is causing it ? i am feeling confused yet sad , dissatified, piss ..... and plenty of other things ...

for all those people i hurt today ... i am sorry ( you know who you are ) ... i really wasn't myself today ... with circumstances of me still not recovered and being stuck in the house for 10 days ... something was just terribly wrong ... i dont want to offend anyone but i think i did ...

sitting around "friends"
seemed like an invisible ghost
floating in whatever direction they go
letting their conversations buzz through my ears like bees ....


i am still sticking to the pack i made of not having succumb to my emotions easily in the sense i wont any hot guy draw me away from my promise ... to only be with a guy i truly love ... and not cause of some peer pressure thing ...

i have been affected ... in a bad way ... being still sick ... its wearing me down i suppose ... i am not me ! i need to be me and change ....

i'm out

FINALLY !!

After a week of sweat , cough , sneeze, feeling lethargic ... finally ... i can say that i am well and on the verge of recovery . MAN ! I never ever want to go through that ever again anytime soon ... seriously depressing since i wasted half my holiday trying to recover and could have spent it with friends and company going out, doing my daily routine but instead had to be stuck at home with THE ENEMY .... cough cough .......

thanks so some decent people who kept me alive... my mum , Yuyi, [Sate, Seh yung]====> they messaged me when internet was down ... seirously did cry during this sickness out of pain as well as depression being sick , it has never hurt that much ... never been this sick before !?!

Today is also sis's birthday , got her a top from DIESEL , i think she likes it . there were also a pair of shoes that i pick out but didnt pay for from ESRALI. had tog sufer some discomfort cause i knew yesterday i wasnt ready to go out yet ... didnt think i had enough energy to. when i came home was coughing like there is no tomorrow ... almost felt like i was going to die .... but i guess am ok now. Man I so miss going shopping for myself ...i will have to go soon for me for me :)

HAPPY 15TH BRITHDAY KHARENEE

LOVE YOU ALWAYS SIS
FOR WHO YOU ARE
WHAT YOU DO
EVERY SINGLE DAY

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE

MY DEAR LITTLE SIS

thats all for now i guess will update more frequent when i have more to say

tagged

The Rules:1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

1) How are you feeling today?
tattoo by jordin sparks ... well its partially true i am feeling for that guy

2) Will you get far in life?
runaway love by Ludacris ft Mary J Blige ... hmmm i guess i want to help these people in this song

3) What's your best friend's theme song?.
Low Flo rida feat T- pain guess its a good song to dance with my good girl friends :)

4) What is the story of your life?
Taking chances by Celine Dion... my life is all about taking chances although i would have to learn to take some more than others.

5) What was high school like?
into the night by Santana feat Chad Kroeger ... it has a double meaning by the title itself i want to forget my high school days since i didnt really enjoy them but i did went through some interesting wild days

6) How can you get ahead with life?
wherever you will go by the Calling ... i guess my world does evolved around love for a guy i should learn to stop depending on that fact.

7) Whats the best thing about your friends?
please dont stop the music y Rihanna ... well we all love to dance and have a great time together whenever we gather ... thats why i love them !!

8) Describe your grandparents.
i wanna have your babies by natasha Beddingfield ... hmmm well guess you could say it doesnt really makes sense but yeah inherting my granparent's genes i am proud of.

9) How's your life going?
The contest by Stephen Sondheim in Sweeney Todd... life is a contest for me now since well i am competing with my fellow coursemates to enter UK unis and get into bar later on in life.

10) What will be played at my funeral?
Epiphany by Stephen Sondheim .. 0.o i dont want to have revenges on people when i die... dont want to hold grudges i wont be that bad

11) Will you have a happy life?
Stronger Women by Jewel ... i would since i am independent and enjoying life now . cause i do love myself

12) What do your friends really think of you?
white flag by dido .... they probably think i am too emotional with some things that i should calm down ... sometimes i overfeel things ....

13) Do people secretly lust after you?
chocolate by Kylie Minogue .. hmmm song says it all .. lust like chocolate ... XD

14) How can you make yourself happy?
poor thing by Stephen Sondheim ... well i love telling stories and reading which is what this song is aobut .. helping people in need too

15) What should you do with your life?
tonight by FM static ... take charge of it and remember all the memories and cherish them forever to apply them to my future.

16) Will you ever have children?
in the mystery by Hillsong ... i suppose it is a mystery when i will have my kids but i definitely want kids. its all in God's hands to determine the timing :)

17) What song would you strip to?
like a boy by Ciara .... hmm interesting wouldnt mind stirpping to it .... lol XP

18) What does your mom think of you?
You are everything by Matthew West ... weeeeeee haha perfect song to show love from one person to another ...

19) What is your deep, dark secret?
long time coming by Oliver James ... well yeas i have a long secret which dates 7 years .....

20) What is your enemy's theme song?
God, That's Good by Stephen Sondheim... guess this is a song to rub your enemey the right way for them to be suprise that you are so nice to them ... promote love but there will always be hidden motives.

21) Whats your personality like?
Sorry by Buck Cherry... sometimes i waste too much time dreaming and thinkig about people cause that is what i like to do ... a person who dwells a lot on emotions

22) What will be played at your wedding?
why can't i by Liz Phair ... guess my love for my guy or i hope him for me will never go away or fade ... i will never be able to get over him ... love ya eventhough you dont know it

tagged : Yuyi, Peony , Wong Kar mun , Carmen Khong, Divdas

law ball pics ... enjoy there will be more to come

Ryui BynnKuan Hoe & Kien


dear Amin ... was fussy about the pictures turn out though glad we took more :)

Daisy & Hui Yi
Ren Zheng
Hui Yi & Ren Zheng ( they make such a cute couple haha)
Pimping out ... JJ and shalini
Addy

lynn & carmen

us girls again

Miss Jaspal

Kai Chi

the girls of our table

from left : eujoe, pei xie, nithi, daisy, shaini, me , shamiso

from left: shalinie, shamiso, daisy, me, crystal, hui yi, kai chi, nithi

Carmen :)

patience

Just have a little patience

I'm still hurting from a love

I lost,

I'm feeling your frustration.

Any minute all the pain will stop.

The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong.

Believe me,

I'm trying to move on,

It's complicated but understand me.

Cause I need time.

Yeah Cause these scars run so deep,

It's been hard,

But I have to believe in me.

these are lyrics are only part of a song ( i excluded some lines which doesnt mean anything right now ) which is patience by take that ... these lines make all the sense to me right now . i mean well i am trying to be strong on the outside but in real fact i am breaking apart from what my feelings towards him are. i mean i am trying so hard to get over the fact that he is never going to realize how much he means to me and that well i dont think i am good enough for him either cause well ... he can get prettier girls than me . ... like one of my friends said the other day ..... i am just an ordinary girl ... there is nothing which is attractive about me ... the love i have for him is considered lost cause well he is too naive to realise and i am and have been keeping it to myself... apart from a few of those who knows my situation ... the closest ones to me...you know who you are..sigh ... if only you knew and reciprocrate the same feelings ... i feel more cracks forming in my heart just because of my longing for you ...

i need to pull myself together and not think so much about it ... thinking about it is the one that brings all the different kinds of scenario to my head and its unhealthy for me . from now on i should be more giving and less self scented .. i should do things for people without thinking of benefitting for myself.

the message in church spoke today as pastor said that we are all ugly ducklings on the outside but we have Christ's DNA in us and we should let that shine instead of our worldy beings . i so really need to be independent i mean depending on the fact that i need a guy in my life is just so wrong i mean i have admitted before that this is my weakness and that it really brings me down . i need to learn to depend on Christ more rather on worldly things especially a guy to give me security . this is a fear and i need to overcome it . if i dont its just going to cause me to go more downhill which isnt good from where i am standing now. i think to some point i have backslided in my faith in comparison to last year. i admit to my sin .

thats all i have to say for now til next entry.

descriptions

i should say that this weekend had its goods and bads.

well i got to know certain people better , shamiso and daisy included then there was crystal who sat at our table for law ball. she made all the fun and we did enjoy ourselves. us girls singing away like there is no tomorrow . i loved the table i sat on. the company was brilliant and the food was alright . but the entertainment was so so i suppose some were good and some were bad. nothing much else to write about that incident since there are somethings which i dont want to talk about .by the way what i have been writting about is actually my law ball which was held last saturday. (pics will be uploaded later on )

i am going through and emotional rollercoster that is going up and down. not helping the fact that my new heels thati recently bought have broke and gave way ( although they can be fixed )

i have been thinking so much about everything thatin mind its a huge muddle that i cannot remove its making me stress. the assignment loads arent helping either with my being in charge of my sat class and well teachers are gonna give me even more reponsibilities... i need chocolate i shall go indulge in some later. i need to calm down !!! i am so stress its making me go nuts ! i need my dose of talking to him on the phone too but then ill be busy later ... sigh what to do what to do . i think i am really in something with him but i dont even know what these feelings mean . Am i obsess ? in love? clingy ? holding onto security ?

argggh i just wanna to cry ....