letting go

with this sullen day
passing by
all my thoughts
are focused, just thinking about you

i still query
were we an accident?
was it just for fun ?
werent they treasure memories, we cant just be over and done?

no matter how hard i try
i just cant let go
i know you want me to try harder
but its tearing me apart inside, killing my soul

am sitting on a fence
beng pulled apart
i wish it would mak emore sense
that we never had to depart.

deeper love

many a times
i ponder
on whether
all those moments
were just a series of mimes?

How can i make you understand?
this is how much you mean to me
that i dont just care about you
but also with everything else and your being

i may seem strong
on the forefront, the surface
in actual fact rather
my heart for you , still cries and longs

the power is in your hands
to determine whether we can go on
even with words of denial at
the present moment
i hope and pray your view bends ....

an eventful few days

hey readers of my blog,
the past few days have been really packed with activities. last friday was my sister's birthday .... she actually didnt want to have anything at all . but her friends from SIS decided to throw a surprise birthday for her . she even cried when her wesleyans came for her . 5 guys, which i thought was really sweet of them to turn up and made effort . they even got her a secret recipe cake. i organized some games for her friends to bond and get to know each other better , they looked like they enjoyed it . had catering food which was delicious .

Saturday , my gang took me to FRIM . which was good fun and i managed to get some exercise and catch up with them . it was great to be out with them. always love spending time with them always will. thanks guys for giving me a great day i really did enjoy myself . although i did hurt myself at the waterfall , had a bruised left side cause i slipped on the smooth rocks. but overall it was a good day .

the whole week after this i had loads of motivation to study .just suddenly had that drive , prolly the stress kick in , i just felt myself wanting to read my boring law books every day, and finally found some joy in doing it .

wednesday rolled round, i drove out ! its an acheivement , cause i drove me and yuyi to brickfields to have an indian lunch ! we had a great 3 hours just catching up and i was introducing yuyi to indian food . so it was definitely an experience for her . i really enjoyed it a lot ! thanks Yuyi for giving such a great wednesday, i loved sharing it with you .

well as for today , my cousin purporsely took off work for me to spend time with me today which was really really sweet of her . she came yesterday to sleep over so that she didnt have to rush in the morning from subang. i was really shocked and touched she would do such a thing for me. and so we chatted until 3 am in the morning . and today we basically went to italianese to eat lunch and chatted for 3 hours straight continuing from last night.our conversations were really opened and we shared our worries and our lives . i really love those times .

coming home from this outing another person was waitting for me . jan who is one of my cousin's ex girlfriend, who is now workng as a clinical psychologist. mum was there as well but she opened up old wounds well which made me breakdown of jan and my couz who was still around . sigh .... man i hate these moments they are so embarassing . urggghhh ! but overall had good conversations with jan finding out how she overcame her hurdles when she was my age . shes now currently engage and i am so excited for her ! congrats Jan !

emotionally i have been thinking a lot still about my relationship . i guess its really impossible for me to get you off my mind and i have to accept it as part of my routine that you will jsut continue to pop in everything i do . time will tell . i am still thinking to my stand to wait ... so all i have to have now is just patience to wait and see.

thats all .... til next entry

short rant

here i am guys again ....

its been a great relaxing holiday so far . cause this hypergal has been trying to recover from those emotions she couldnt handle. being back has been great since i have been pampered so much by my family . not so much my friends as my previous posts have mentioned .

there was only one outing this week , which was with Pei ru, my primary school friend whom i havent seen in like 6 years . ( scary thought on how time has flew). it was great to know that she was still the same ole friend i knew in primary school, but obviously now with stronger views about life . the conversations we had were bliss and we found out we both still click after all these years which is great ! would be wanting to spend more time with you in the future my dear ! so with obvious reasons of not seeing each other for so long , there had to be a picture ....this was the highlight of my week .

as this blog is for the needs of my emotional side ..... i shall continue to reveal what is happening. there have been loads of dreams lately which freaks me out completely when i wake up in the morning . i get that weird tingling feeling when i get up as if i have not slept properly at all.

to stand on my own two feet ?

well readers of my blog ....

i have been back home for more than a week now .

nothing excitting has much happen. i get to see my family ( my dad's side as well), some close friends, only have met up with 3 friends so far . i would say its pretty pathethic. i know its exam period and i am suppose to be studying and doing my assignments but on the other hand well i should also be in some way catching with my friends right?

wrong.... well the first week i just had an awful sleeping time table . i think it still happens ... i slept at 4am and woke up the next day at around 2 ( which if you had to convert would be about10 pm in UK and 8 am ).

the routines everyday its the same....i get up eat lunch, then start work straight away .then well have dinner and continuing working. i guess you could say its a good thing i am concentrating .... but its all just on the surface

the reality in fact - my mind still wonders about my whole situation and how much i truly miss him. i have been pulled like a rubber band on both ends stretch between two views on how i am suppose to handle this.

on one end , people say that i am young and naive to even give him anymore chances since i have been hurt so badly and that i should just completely move on . and that i definitely deserve better than this . there are those who lecture me about still doing things for him. i shouldnt even be friends with him anymore. but i really hate making enemies eventhough someone has hurt me i still will be friends with them. the tagline- there are many more fishes in the sea .....

the other end of the spectrum , there are those went through similar situations that say he does deserve my chance and well i should continue to support him and be there for him cause he needs me most now in this vunerable period. i am touched by the amount he had changed for me in that short period we were officially together. i mean isnt that what love is suppose to be ... its not all the glitz and glam which are shown in the movie but of how honest and "ugly" you can be in front that other half and yet still love each other. i would say me and him have passed that stage ..... and yes we have fit this definition of love. tagline-you truly love the one person for who they are

if there was one thing however that i learnt from this relationship is yes to listen to people's views but really its all up to my own decision in the end and people shouldnt influence it anymore and that i should not waiver. i have to make a stand on my own views and feet.

the Akon song - Right Now ( Na na na ) somehow just sings the desire of my heart now for this particular situation .


i guess thats all i have to write about

til next entry

xx

peace out

returning to homeland

heya readers of my blog,

just here to say that Hypergal is going back to malaysia at the 17:35 flight from cardiff to malaysia

will be arriving at 15:00 on tuesday .

wahay !!!!! Malaysia here i come !

a gurlz night out

my dear olly

Anna and Bing
Bing and Martina

Xiu mei and Mua

Xiu Mei and Bing

i have something to blog about how amazing...

last night Xiu mei's household decided to have a girl's night out and well we had a huge dinner and later on we had drinks

let me list down the drinks we had :

4 bottles of white wine

one vodka shot each

and foster beers ( prolly each of us had one , cause we shared it among ourselves)

starting off with the wine at home and then we went to the welsh club at 12. which was really fun the club was really small and it was pretty comfortable.

i got a stamp on my left hand now stating CLWB IFOR BACH ILAWR which is in welsh not really sure whether it was the club's name though.

the five of us girls - Martina, Anna , Bing, Xiu Mei and me . we were all happily dancing on the dance floors. even some of us girls managed to pick up guys .... hehe including me ....

even met up with a really good friend Oliver Ludlow in the same club . Fate i tell you ! i really wanted to meet him and i got to spend a bit of time with him in the club ..... good ole mate gonna miss you when i am back in malaysia for a month ....

anywayz a bg thank you gurls for a wonderful night out ... i think i really needed it after all the circumstances that was happening to me for the past month.

guess thats all for now.

Rock on people !

rant on

i know its been ages since i updated my blog and i am sorry to those who have been expecting something from me to be written.

if you knew my whole situation you would understand why i havent been in the mood to write . i know people say that when you feel down in emotions you should write it to make it feel better but seriously i had no mood to face my dear little ole blog.

the emotions that i have been feeling for the past few weeks have been really complicated. you could say that it is too hard for a 19 year old like me to understand. i have been trying to take this as maturedly as possible but break down at the slightest things that reminded me of the times i had with him.

i know that the both of us had learnt a lot from this short stint of a relationship and we both care a lot for each other . to put it spiritually , God has taught me a lot in this too. i learnt how to be humble to summit to someone and to depend more on myself instead of living up to other people expectations. why didnt this relationship continue you may ask? just to put it in exact words like he said ... we are both on different pars and levels of expectations for a relationship and it will never come to the same level. he in fact is less matured in some ways and i am in my ways which would never be compatible to each other.

I have been thinking loads about this that at times my brain just felt that it wanted to explode. it really has been too hard on my frail body . i lost sleep , i cried my eyes out and even yelled at the top of my lungs . my housemates, who normally dont really care about me were even shock and well came to my aid and were there for me .

from one discussion with a a friend we have discovered that asian values towards friendship and the british values are different. british people not to offend anyone are well not willing to go out all the way for a person and care, not as much as an asian anyway . i mean yeah there are those asian which can be selfish too . but seriously people it was a really touching experience when some brisith people went all out for me and were there to support me . i nearly cried and was really touched ... especially when my ex tried to change and open up to me . that feeling is really indescribable.

overall i do not regret in any way that i was in that relationship as it was a really interesting experience . as quotes say ... life would be boring without the ups and downs.

i guess thats about what i have to rant on til next time ;)

heart slices

our hearts made as a whole
each day pieces are affected
happy or sad
they come and go



the drama of it all
when it doesnt work out
the way you want it to
making you tremble and fall



a slice has been cut
right out of that space
from your reasons
there was no way to rebutt



you, in fact ripped that slice
crushed and tred upon it
without the slightest care
there is nothing you can do now to repay the price....

the unexpected

you came into my life
in an unexpected time
when my moments were bliss
and my social life at prime


this strange thing happened
and all of a sudden
my emotions went havoc
but one in particular sharpened


I didnt know what to do
was lost and confused
as to whether the signs
you gave were clues


then came that auspicious day
where btoh our actions gave in and couldnt say nay
and as awkward it may seem to be
I do hope it works out between you & me


this was the poem that i wrote for my dear ...for valentines day .

it was a great day .... we went to bute park for a little stroll,since i have never been there. we walked by the river it was really sweet. then we had to hurry to canton which is quite a walk away. there was an art cinema there called the chapter.

we watched a film called Gardens in Autumn( french film) whereby it was based on frnech ministers being disposed off office and had to lead normal lives again. the movie was awfully slow . me and tim felt bored and hungry. hehe.... but we managed to survived through it . then we had lunch at the theatre's cafe, walked back to my place to collect my stuff.

then we went over to his place to watch rugby . wales vs england.wasnt too bad actually . the guy Sakey who scored for England did a really good run, eventhough he was behind the two other welsh players. then he cooked dinner for me ( mango curry chicken ) , i made pech crumble for dessert . it was really delicious !

thats about it guys ... all i have to say

slow steady

heya guys !

back again its been snowing in cardiff and its been awesome will upload the pics soon . just wanted to write about my weekend trip to london again !

you guys must be wondeirng this girl has gone nuts going to london like so many times in a row ! but oh well it was a great trip since i got to watch Les Miserables.

it was awesome ! i really loved it. i grew up with those songs from young and really appreciated them. thanks dad for letting me hear them from young !

we had malaysian food at malaysian hall! it brings back the meories .... i miss malaysian food ! the ones you can get off a hawker stall. loses for being in cardiff .... dont get me wronf i love everything else of cardiff its been great .

this dear hyped- emotioned girl has already got her second half and shes content with everything she has now .

slow steady
As elders always say slow and steady
wins the race
and for a fact couples
should take their relationship at that pace

Rushing into things
causes the excitement
to fly out the window
what else would you have to look forward to ?

appreciate the life
you lead each day
cause it is
God's gift that you are alive today !

snow snow !

its snowing in cardiff !!!!


weeeeeeeeehhheeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everything else is going well tooo !!!!!

lol

hillarious ! hyper !

question, suggestion

Even being in this situation
does not make it any better
cause of the unwillingness
of communication.

you leave me in confusion
as to what we are
as our actions
speak different from our words

do i have the right to question?
whether we truly are
could you quickly
make a suggestion ?

bliss

apologies guys i know i havent been blogging in like a while

i have actually been learning quite a bit of life really on how you should really apprieciate the little things that come by your way. the friends around you , little gestures that people do for you, even a great day and bonus if there is a great scenery in front of you.

God has bless me with this loving group from friends from second and third year. they make me so at home as if i have always belong. there should be more people like this in this world . encouraging bunch they are and always happy, there is never a dull moment.

i have written as my new years resolution that i would treat guys more as friends rather than prowling about for my next mate. my friends have been really supportive of me by guiding me through it and making sure i do not fall. they have been honest with me and although it caused a little tension here and there our friendship stayed. that was how strong our friendship were and how willing we were to work at it.


all i can say is that life has been treating me well .... with all the lessons i am going through and stress of workloads starting to pile up again . i am yet content with my life and everything has been fulfilled .

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1Corinthians 13;4-13

a beautiful few days

lol everything i did this week was just a bliss and i was really really happy

i dont know why but i have never been this happy

the whole week i have been content with what happened.

Monday i spent the whole day in the library just doing my work and i finished the majority of it so was really rpoud of myself.

then the whole of tuesday i gave myself the day off which i went to the musuem with Dr corrie in the afternoon then we had lunch after. i really enjoyed it. andrea messaged me to call out for help that he was sick so i decided to visit him later. i did my laundry while going to Lidls. got it all done in perfect timing. then at night went to John Dent's house for dinner this time was to cook for him and his flat mates. i cooked curry and rice . xiu mei stir fry veggies. then we has marble sand cake with custard for dessert. it was excitting cause got to meet new people. nicholas hibbert-hingston. interesting guy to talk to . exploring the areas . there is a posibility of something more or maybe not ... it really doesnt matter. itood friend alto would be good to have him as a good friend. even John Dent is a good friend too. that day i invited dominic and andrew over too. they enjoyed themselves as well . man i really felt content and fulfilled that i could have donethings for people.i just felt that my life was really great as it is and that i didnt waste a day.

wednesday i woke up with the morning doing my work, then afternoon i spent the whole day with nicole corbit which was really enjoyable cause i had lunch at her place and then we went to town shopping for a bit. i bought a pair of flats for 3 pounds i really cant believe my luck . they were so cheap :) . then Dr corrie came to pick me up to stay at her house for a day . which i found was most relaxing . i got to watch the news and spend time with her. we had a salmon pastry for dinner. it was really delicious ! and i had the best sleep ever in such a warm comfortable bed.

came back on thursday morning. did more work at home and then at night went over to John dent's house again for dinner which had tim harvey, laura davie and her boyfriend over.we had a a baked potatoe pie with peas . then we had to plan nick's party which was this sunday . they came up with this politically incorrect party .... i dont even know what to dress as ! theb after the planning . me and john watched this french film which was really interesting.

then friday came round ... john woke me up for prayer meeting but i just couldnt be bothered to go cause i felt so tired ! then went back to bed . did some more work before passing up sunita's and my tort essays. then went to the library to take out a book and then came home. did some more work and then had lunch while waitting for tim coles to come pick me up.

i had a really a good day with him today . we went to watch the reader . it was a really deep and interesting film. i love serious films like that and glad that tim shares similar interest. we then went for hot chocolate afterwards in Cafe Nero. we spent a whole lot talking . then walked back to my place to rest a bit before we went for dinner at George Pub . that was where tim met one of his old friends josh . he was a really nice guy , then there was this guy chris there who really looked like pete wentz from Fall out Boy. then after dinner we left that pub to go to crwys pub for a beer. he had a brains and i had a heinikein. the whole day we alternate to paying . he paid for the more expensive stuff and i paid for drinks all day . hehe a bit unfair to him really .

thats about my week so far i suppose . just felt like blogging to share my happiness all around !

Be Happy and Make the most out of your days people !

manchester & london

hey guys, to let you in on my holidays

Manchester

i would say it was a really homely holiday and anna's faMily were really warm and loving. the food was pretty bad but became better as the days passed , i didnt complain of course i just ate .

anna's twin (kate)was really matured and nice , she really made me feel as if i was wanted. John- their younger brother who is 9 was so so so cute . he had a tumour in his head last last year which turned out to be cancer. but he is ok now . the treatment however stunted his growth and he now has to inject himself everyday with growth hormones. i tucked him to bed at night everyday . it was such a joy to have a younger sibling for a few days ,lighten up the parents load. rachel is the younger sis doing her a levels now . studying french, politics and english lit.b i talked to her about harry potter most of the time haha. shes a nice girl. she fell ill during christmas so she didnt enjoy it as much but i made sure she was as happy as possible since being sick and alone is no fun. the father ,

dennis ( the father). is a really fascinating man to talk to . his fire for God is so huge . his passion for Thailand is really big. he was so happy for christmas since we had so much thai people over and he told me he was really proud of me for being so friendly and being down to earth and his advice still rings in my head ,saying that i do have a gift of making people feel at home and wanted.

the mom- jane is a lil hyper ....hehe .... cause she worries like my mum and speaks really fast as well.---- guess thats where anna got it from. i even met some of anna's relatives who came from south london ( like their nanny for example ) she is a lovely lady ,spent the afternoons chatting with her and getting to know about their histories.

on boxing day , anna's family brought me on a canal boat which one of the relatives on the dad's side own . it was excitting since i have never been on a canal boat before. and we had smoke salmon and salad for lunch it was really good. went to the city twice, visting china town during one of the visits - but going out was nothing excitting. the lines were really long and i didnt feel like queing to buy anything so i hardly spend any money in manchester.

London

took the early train to london arrived at 12 ish . waited in the station for an hour for eu joe and pei xia since they took a later train . derek was there to accompany me too ( he came down from liverpool) . so we spent time catching up and talking. then they finally arrived so we went to the hotel which was in zone 4 in newbury park. joe's aunt gave up her reward points for us for a room in holiday inn. it was a really comfortable hotel for the four of us . Thank you aunty !!!

i slept with pei xia and derek and eu joe slept together. the first day we didnt really do anything we were really hungry as all of us didnt have lunch so we had like early dinner late lunch at 3 something. then after went back to hotel and talked and played cards together. pei xia bought a map that was meant for cars which prove to be useless since it would look silly if we openend it up in the middle of the street.

the second day which was 30th dec - we went to covent gardens in the morning. the guys didnt really enjoy it since they werent shopping kind. that was where nithi met up with us . joe had to sacrifice for him and slept on the floor with comforters. in the afternoon we just took a really slow walk by the thames and took a lot of pictures of london bridge. sat in a cafe for a warm drink for it to get dark since derek wanted to take london bridge when it was dark . it was beautiful ! i am so glad i spent time with derek cause his camera was so sharp . he really took care of me which was really sweet of him really ! hehe. dinner time sunita took us to a malaysia restaurant . so i had my hokkien me XD, i had teh tarik too , others had fried rice and nasi lemak.

on 31 st - we went to madame tussauds musuem it was 20 pounds !!!!! but we got a discount ! from 30 since it was a public holiday they charged higher. once .... will never do it again ...... it was alright i suppose . taking pics with the wax figures and there were two rides inside. 1. chamber od horrors , 2. sort of like a disney ride like its a small small world ride in disneyland. then the afternoon we went to oxford street .... the shops were amazing ! ! so huge !.... we thought it was new years eve so we spent it on quite an expensive dinner eating at a steakhouse . 20 pounds too ! it was pretty good though although the waiter didnt really like us

we stood in the cold for 3 hours near Big Ben and Westminster parliament, watched the fireworks from the london eye it was really pretty . but definitely not worth waitting in the cold ! then later the train stations after were chaos and hectic ! we had to wring each other arms all the way to make sure no one got lost. we all made it in one piece. we reached home at 3 ish in the morning.

woke up on new years day at like 12 ....we decided to explore parks . so we went to green park , walk by hyde park , and managed to go into harrods ! it was huge ! and amazing i have never seen so many branded stuff ! eujoe and derek bought chocolates for 16 pounds which was like woah that is expensive ! just for the name sake and brand.we went buckhingham palace and queen victoria's memorial . we took a lot of photographs ! i cant wait to show you guys !

i know this really is a brief story of london .... i dont know how else to tell it though

but i totally enjoyed my trips and would do it again ! i was planner for london and it worked out !! hope to do it again !

By the way guys

HAPPY NEW YEAR and hopefully 2009 will be a great year for you all !!

updates

more updates for you guys !!!

i needed to blog about the thursday before we broke for the holidays . me and my french housemate jules and three of his friends we decided to go clubbing at walkabout. i really dressed up for this occassion. elise even did my make up for me . i couldnt believe that i looked so gorgeuos.

the club was fine but the music sucked loads though . i managed to drag xiu mei along. i managed to get some heads turn and some attention. like high-fivinga guy during the sex is on fire song ( he didnt look to bad , although i think he was cuddling his girlfriend around her waist on the other arm)

wanted to meet up with gaz( my closest housemate) at the club since he said he was going to be there. but we couldnt find each other.we texted each other a few times then after a while he stop.

reached home at about 4 ish . i waited for gaz and wil to get back. gaz was slightly drunk and he surely needed help. we sorta got into an arguement its sad , he almost wanted to punch me . man i just wanted him to know the thing laura told me cause i didnt want to hurt him but ended up hurting more when i told him. dont know whether it will be same

went to watch madagascar 2 it was ok. baby alex was cute. and the big and chunky song. no offence to the movie but i fell asleep mid way through it for a while i think mainly cause i was tired.

this dec hols i have been really sick ...i had this nasty flu and cough that just weared me down and i slept a record of 18 hours non -stop . Sonia my darling friend has been looking after me , cooking for me. was at her place at arbedare hall from sunday to wednesday.

then wednesday i decided to go back since sonia was suppose to go to london the next day.xiumei came back from bristol that day . i cooked dinner for the both of us and then went over to her house to sleep

well thursday basically got my library fine sorted and then spent the day with xiu mei and her friend. went to amy o' brien's house . its really huge and lovely. we had dinner at chiquitos at night. had these salmon fishcakes which tasted good

friday i came to manchester .....

will update you guys soon

celidh

Alice, Emma, Bethan ( my host family for the first week )

Xiu Mei
Gareth Scourfield ( my housemate, closest to me)

Rebecca & Xiu Mei

Ben Russell Smith & Ed Moss

Nicole Corbitt

i know for a fact now that my blog has just been a place to upload my pics . but i should stop just doing that really and use one entry to blog about my whole emotional being . there will be a flood of entries today.

the Celidh was a brilliant experience since i have never barn dance before and have always dreamed of doing it . i got to do the couple dances with Ben . haha he was such a show off ! he wanted to tango across the room everywhere.

i love dressing up ! everyone looked so gorgeuos that evening. my mood for that weekend was seirously hyper and happy and everyone thought i was nuts basically.

xx