hectic sunday

hey people
just bored and decided to write my blog
on saturday i didnt do much at all
then on sunday was quite a hectic day for me
first it started with church
then after church i went out for breakfast with jee leng... which was great cause we got to rebond with each other and catch up with one another ... trying to resolve some issues
then well right after that went to attend a talk at SIB .... First we went through a brief course of event managing which three groups get to plan an event... my group got to plan a fund raising dinner to riase funds for an orphanage....we did pretty well i guess i did stumble a bit during the presentation but i think we did pretty ok ...Then Jayne wong came to speak to us about using performing arts in evangelism... she was pretty witty and well it was interesting on how she presented it ... we even got to know more about ourselves evaluating our finished and unfinished goals and the people in my life who affect me ....
then right after that i went for community night at my church .... the topic was where is God when it hurts... we sang a few hyms... then there was some testimonies and finally Mr Eric curtain spoke and it was pretty touching ..... but the main purpose why i came for the service was causeone of my friends was getting baptised ... May lim ....

i take this opportunity to congratulate her for taking her step and well am really proud of her ...

well after that day i fell sick and now i got a cold ... andwell trying to get rid of it fast ..... and well when you are sick you tend to think a lot more about people especially those who are close to you .... i have epsecially been thinking a lot about him .. almost every minute of the day i am thinking about him ... and ways i can get to him .... all girls hope that the ones they truely love will eventually come to them but that case rarely comes true as well the guys go for another girl...this is the case over here ... i dont think he even pays attention to me he doesnt realize it at all in this sense you could say he is blur but well i cant blame him cause well i dont even show my ture feelings to him ... basically tell him he means a lot to me as a friends but i can never say how i truely feel .......
My love for you has lingered in my heart , a pain , a feeling that never goes away . No matter what i do to push it away , my love for you crawls and finds its way back into my heart .My nerves will never reject you no matter how hard i try, I allow you to tear me apart inside ... if i have to miserable just to feel your love thats how i will be always until i gain you someday.

emo

Back again

well i guess been kinda emo lately and just recently came back from camerons i really dont count that as a holiday cause almost every single moment i was miserable during that holiday... if it werent forme and my sis fighthing i would be thinking of him and how much he cares for me which isnt much ... i dont think he cares for me at all .... even our relationship as friends i begin to question it also ... what is he thinking?...I care for you deeply and i try to let go ... but you dont realize how much i hurt inside , i dont want to be a burden in your live and thats why i let you go .... everytime i think of you , it just tears me more inside... i will be never ever be able to tell you how exactly feel about you ........................

during this holiday , we partly learnt that well friendships dont last forever ... my dad and his friends from ipoh have now gone to a sour note not too sour but well we saw our differences and well we just see each other as we dont get along much as we used to anymore.

just another day feeling down

well another day

and as always there are up and downs and this day is well on the the down just well not well for me i got my piano theory results today and it didnt went well my mum went fanatic and was all over me yelling and shouting ... i hate that ... that means we cant talk at all and every thing is what she says all the time... and its the time of the month again and during this time i usually think more about how much i miss people and it gets me even down makes you feel lonlier and it adds up to everything i hate that when it happens and avoiding it is the hardest thing for me to overcome it

i cant always be pretneding to lok storng when i am actually crumbling inside and i hate when the emotion overload happens

thinkijng about him as always which is dumb cause i will never get him abnd he will never realize it at all .... looks like i got not much to write anymore and well besides that i got another interest in my life ... met him at thirty hour famine which well i guess still friends for now he seems to be a pretty interesting guy a look alike of sen wai only thing darker haha ... well i shall find out how this guy is like ....

thats all for today i guess ... til next entry

30 hour famine

i had a great weekend guys .... fast for children in crisis at thirty hour famine and well i went as a volunteer so i had more stuff to do .... had to carry heavy boxes ,do registration , handle participants luggageand , do crowd control ..... but at least volunteers have more privelleges i get to skip lectures and well go help out in the moving of stuff ....... so called lepaking haha just to well erhmmmm take care of the luggage room .....

met loads of people ... ,most of them are from help doing A levels there ... first there is chanel who well we clicked very well when we first met ... we are like good friends now and i found out she also lives in my neighbourhood so well i can spend more time with her cool !!!!!! another guy johnson also stays in my area .....thne there is jacqueline shes another cool girl very bubbly and funny eventhough she was quite tired she managed to stay her cool ... then i met up with some old friends ... two people from elc ... priyanka and dimple .... Bk people Daniel and Bryan....Sharon and Priscilla from girls camp ..... Su ming was there .... then Debbie also came ... i hugged her like crap .... she came late ....

joanne was another nice girl i met ... then Sharon and faith the two girls who were always together they were very nice and had fun hanging out with them ....

i didnt get to meet much guys this time around ..some included well Johnson , Richard, William, Kevin ,Ian, another William ( MC) ... the rest are all blur dunno them .....Richard looked exactly like sen wai only thing he was a bit shorter and darker .... he is slightly friendlier than sen wai also ... kinda admire him from distance at camp cause i thought he was good looking ... begining to like guys of a certain genre which look like sen wai kinda guys and personality ..... i guess learnt somethings from camp that eventhough am tired i had to give it up and do stuff .... and well makine sacrifices of sleep well cause the girls walked in and out of the room all the time and they didnt have a decency to shut the doors quietly ... just let them slam almnost every hour ... it was so irritating ... then loads of talking in the room and shifting stuff and in their sleeping bags was pretty annoying ....woke up at 6 12 but lazy to get out of bed as you didnt have to until 6 30 but eventually someone did wake me up from my bed and i had to wake chanel and well we were the last ones to leave the room

the seminars were pretty boring but well we covered a lot of stuff on children ... like learning about HIV & AIDS and well street children..... children in sexual acts , children in war , children in labour ... there was some workshops which were pretty interesting ;.... learning about discrimination and stigma and then we got to actually meet a HIV positive women fighthing for her rights and her kid also has HIV and also fighthing for acceptance in a normal school and finally the last workshop was preverntion forus to take precaution of HIV haha in that workshop we learnt to wear condoms also hehe .......

i guess thats all i can say for now pretty tired and well tired eating just now after famine just felt like throwing up am going to go to bed now ... ill write more soon

ciaoz
i guess thats all i have to say for the camp

Wait

hey everyone i am back with another update , well as usual just been hanging around in the house doing nothing much besides cooking for myself going online and watching tv. and well mum and dad have been acting up on me trying to act more reponsible and all... kinda getting sick and tired of it and well i feel that i am like a stranger in my house ... in my own house can you imagine ! well what to do i do have to listen to what they say in some ways but they dont seem to want to talk it out much .. mum is like i have to do it her way and all that

well all the preparations of my going to University of Queensland have been finalize and i am actually going there but there is still the problem on whether i'll be staying in the foundation house cause now i am on waitting list for that ... if not then i would have to stay in homestay which means i'll get to know more older people since ill be staying with them .i actually would prefer if i could stay in the foundation house ... it actually means that i have a bit more freedom and that i dont have an "adult supervision" and would be kinda stuck to my own room which they provide me with

well last weekend was kinda fun besides the fact that on friday the trains didn't work and well we had to walk all over KL to get my applications sorted and take taxis which cost me and my mum a bomb ... monorail which was suppose to be working didnt come for about half an hour also ..... very tired that day and well body aching all over the next morning especially my ankle on the right.

At night , i went to seh yung's house for his mooncake festival/birthday ... i had to go late since my parents also had another party to go to so i didn't complain to ask to be sent earlier ... i reached there about seven something and well most of everyone had finish dinner by then and well just waitting for a few to be done like me for example and well another girl came late too ... well i didn't eat much cause wasnt feeling very hungry and well we just talked and some guys were just playing the guitar for fun which sounded nice .. then at about 8.30 we sang the birthday song and cut cake which was nice CHOCOLATE.............mmmmmmmmmmm love it am very addicted to it CHOCOLATE LOVER.. the jellies were good too

Then at 9 something we went walking around section 17 with our lanterns it was pretty fun and well all of us joking around as we walk ...like yun hsi yelling out lantern down! someone died ! hahaha and we will all stop to wait for the lantern to be lit and after a while we got fed up with them and some of them got burnt along the way we had to walk one girl home to her house which was on the other side of section 17 we had fun basically and later on everyone wanted to to mamak so yeah we ended up in sentosa drinking at a malay store and thats when Habib joined us and well he was sharing his mp3 player around .... half of the people there were on dates i guess but well it doesnt bother me at all cause well first thing first the guy i want isnt even there so yeah i tried to act on the low upon it and be positive... took your advice bro and i guess it work ... thanx anyway for telling me you know who you are

as for my current status with that guy ... still no luck in getting him as i have always said in my episodes i am not going to do anything to get him not even hint .... i am just going to leave it as it is and well if we are meant to be then well we will be someday like how my cousin and his wife were ... am just going to wait and be determined for the time being if he really likes me he will ask me if not then too bad am forever waitting ...........

WAITTING

adrenaline drain from me ...for you

The price you pay for liking someone ... all too much ....A person who is well weak in his/her emotion like me will definitely fail in everything if they do not pull themselves together ... i need to pull myself together ... i am thinking why can't i draw interest from the guys i do actually have feelings for they all see me as their friend but nothing more ...sigh .... i find myself useless in relationships all my relationships are a failure ...pure to doomsday.

i had adrenaline rushes today just thinking about him which is freaky i hate that feeling ... i mean i am so scared to tell him and at the same time i i do tell him now that i like him with all the complications of me going to australia , that i/him will find someone else while i am there and i would lose a good friend forever and itbreaks my heart i am suffering both ways .looks like i cant be happy in both ways no other option but i totally feel its better for me to suffer without him than rather tie him down and be a burden to him .... i do not want to trouble him in any way as i am afraid he will be too stressed up juggling his studies and his life .... i totally care for him enough to not let him know how much feelings i have for him . i shall just suffer alone in this situation without him to carry any of it ... i am trying to be strong to carry this but i almost broke down in tears yesterday thinking about all this ... i just dont want to waste his time in any way
*sob*..................