Emotion Overload

hey guys ,
well updates on my last week ....my emotions have been overpowering me in odd ways until to the point that i am actually having nightmares almost everyday and i seem to be remembering what i dreamt the day before ....he well isn't paying attention to me at all and well i am hoping that he will realize it someday and i can be with him but of course this all has to be God's will if it isnt then i shall accept it ....
life is well complicated i mean when you like someone that someone doesnt seem to want to like you back and us girls in Asia dont get to make the first move as it is considered taboo in our nation which i hate actually and well so far most of my relationships with guys have been my first move and well i am sick and tired of doing it anymore ... with this , the results of my past relationships all went for failure we didn't go past the six month safe bench as they call it in romance books (except for one) ......
i have also been thinking a lot about how i would really feel when i go to Australia to study and well i am prety happy that i will be going to anew country and well to experience new things but at the same time i am also scared that i would be under the influence of the people there and i would do stupid things when i am there which would get me into huge trouble and i am also hoping that i will make the grade so that i will make the grade.
How could I ever show my feelings towards this person i mean i am afraid that he will hurt me and reject me which is most likely cause now he doesnt even call or sms ...out of all the guys that i have actually fallen for so far the best one is the one that currently rules my emotions and my heart ... this well have lasted for over 9 months now and well it can go on for about a year or two cause well i know one guy in my past crush has well lasted long enough and still lasting but now i treat him more as a brother and he takes care of me making sure i dont get hurt by anyone else which is cool too

currently reading a book called If i am so wonderful, why am i single and well its telling me all sorts of things but well i dont think its helping at all and not to say i want a boyfriend now but well i just find it interesting to read books like these to see what they say .....

i guess thats all i have to say for this entry ...til next time ciao

force

mums forcing me to go work when i dont want to exactly ...... but well i am so fed up with my life with people telling me what to do .... i just want to study and well be a good girl and get good grades and my mum is like NoOoO you have to work before you go and study .... to earn the money for your plane ticket and I wont be giving you the money for it..... no more opportunities to study argggh .... my life is so messed up now ... i am being treated to be such a lowly person which i dont feel its right ... its as if i cant even afford my own plane ticket my plans are now all shattered my future all gone ... and i have to give in to my mum .... argggghhhh ..... just talked to dad and he says he will sortthis out when he comes back .Although he is also on my mum's side as well so well i dont expect much from him talking as well ...they will probbly convince me into working especially my dad ... sigh .... life is so torturous cant they leave me alone .... , mum especially can't seem to do that she wants me to do .... it grieves her that i am not working which i find it stupid ....they dont consider my feelings at all everything must be what they want me to do ... if it werent for my say in UQ uni i bet they would even send me to Latrobe cause there is "adult supervision " mum doesnt know how to consider how other people feel and she is always doing stuff like what she feels ...... i mean she considers about us but makes it sound it isnt for her ...like working is good for you cause you will learn skills....etc.etc.....but behind it all its just to get me out of the way and well not be such a burden to her ....my love life is so much crappier ...... but i am ot obssessing so much on it .... i am ok being single this year eventhough it gets lonely (hint)...... not exactly how i want it to be but it will have to do for now ... until a certain someone responds.... which i dont think he is ..... i'll wait longer ......but i don't expect much from him .....
thats all i have to say i guess for this entry .....

emotional

hey guys ,
well this week has just been spending time with people which of course makes me very happy i dont think i can live without anyone by my side i definitely need people around me ...this blog is dedicated to my emotions ... and well guys you wanna read well be ready to get to know my deepest truest feelings then .... i have just recently been obssessing over one guy ... seems like almost every year i get one guy i really like for a year which in this case at the moement is A...... not going to tell you guys who ... but well i am currently into someone thats all i can say ..... it was the same as the oast years when i have really liked yun hsi and sen wai ... guess those phases are over ....spent my friday with sue jern which was cool cause we are close and are pet sisters she mentors me in a way . We were satisfied with our day of shopping and well we got what we each wanted ... she got her jeans and me my pair of slippers ....well moving on i felt ontop of the world on saturday cause when i went to SIB i had the privelege of being the only girl there and be daunt upon by all the guys ... mostly by kai sin hehe ... he is funny ... love how he treats people and handle them .... the other guys are sweet too .... i just love my time spent there and look forward to it every week ....today well i got to spend time with my old church friends cause well i hardly have been attending youth in my own church as i have been in SIB and well i guess they did seem like they miss me .......i shall see whether i want to go for the yf outing on this jungle trail thing ....... confusions.... i really look forward to psending more time with him also ... as the time past by ..... i hope he notices .....thats all i can say for this entry

first entry but sorry its a copy paste thing

hey guys this is my first entry here sorry this is a copy paste thing cause well i love this entry ........ well last last weekend i went to singapore ... got a phone call at 6 am asking us to go faster cause my grandmother ( on my mum's side) has been admitted into hospital ... so well we took a bus and reached there at aobut lunch time ... grannie has been very weak ... shes got pnuemonia and well she cant really swallow liquids it makes her choke and cough .... i got to spend with my couz xian before she goes to england to study ... i stayed over at her place... she took me shopping at bugis the next day ... i bought a dress for $9.90 sing , a top for $15 sing and well some underwear hehe cute ones ... i find them very adorable .... one of the days we celebrated my uncles birthday ... this uncle really likes me ... he is always asking for me ... first come to KL will ask for me ... and i have no idea why ...he hardly talks to anyone but he loves to talk a lot with me ... he turned 56..... i got back on tuesday ... then on wednesday ... well i just got up of bed at 9 a.m. when the previous night i slept at 2 a.m.... went online then suddenly out of the blue ... a good friend of mine Andrew ask me whether i was free and wanted to go accompany him out ... he needed to get some books from kinokuniya in KLCC .... so well i asked my mum and well the usual 20 questions about this person i am going out with .... but she seemed pretty happy about me going after she heard i met him from teenstreet ... lol and he was a coach even weirder ... so i went .... i reached faster than he did by just a few minutes .... found him then we went for lunch .We had McD's he paid .... then we went to kinokuniya to do his errands ... lol we then went to watch a movie ... The Banquet ... so boring ... i fell asleep a few times in the movie ... dropped onto his shoulder by accident a few times .... people who love slow movies you should watch this ... you want action and humour this movie has hardly any of it ... except some gruesome execution scenes... besides that zilch ...then we went for coffee bean .... all of these paid by him ... i feel so embarasss that he paid everything ... and i tried asking him whether i could pay but he said he feels pai sei about not paying ..... swt ... sounds like a date already .... we were suppose to be just friends going out ...it sounds more like a date ....hehe ..... but i had loads of fun ....hopefully i would get to do this again with you andrew ;) :) lol ..... loved your company and dont say your sorry for dragging me along cause i had fun :) :) :) :) ...... oh yeah forgot ... i am into ballroom dancing now ... just cant find a school to go to do it .... and i want to puesue my drums ....am also at the moment exploring SIB church ... i am going to their youth ... the guys there are so fun to be with i dunno about the girls cause most girls dont come as form 5 are having trials and well i guess girls are more hardworking than guys... kai sin the funny bloke and very easygoing , mitchell- quiet silent guy yet when have an opinion its pretty serious and correct oh and he is cute too .... scott the guy who speaks his mind at the same time makes statement in his drawings... phlip_ another silent guy who loves gelling his hair but he is very nice ....an indian guy who loves to sleep in class i cant remmeber his name ... another guy who is tall and is very smart and funny ... he is doing spm and a buisness degree at the same time .... yap silent but seems nice ... the girls who i know well raven ... she may look small and meek to you but she has great leadership and potiential and she really speaks her mind ... very hardworking too ... melissa she is very kind to me .. mainly cause she has to take care of me when i am there so i dont get lost around the chruch grounds, sharmaine ... the pretty girl who i think has a lot of admirers and well maybe a bf ....i am totally enjoying my time there in SIB and having laods of fun in their youth and learning something new .....i guess thats all i want to say for now ... take care everyone and GOD BLESS