thoughts hard to put in words

putting yourself out there in love is a really risky thing . there is a 50-50 % chance that you will get accepted or get rejected. life is like that ... we all go through it once or maybe more in our life. you have two extreme ends of the spectrum of emotion where one side of it weighs of sorrow and rejection and on the other scale is happiness and content & love. no such thing as in "betweeness" in this situation.

on the first scale end , the person would dwell in their sorrows and can't seem to get over the fact that he/she has been rejected. it wears the person in and out. and if there isnt a proper circle of friends around to support, the person will just crumble into the pits. darker side of this out come includes anger , confusion, self- pity, impatience, hopelessness, depprivition and "emoism "....

then there is the other side where the person would be on top of the world, so full of themselves, excited, ecstasy, love, care, joy ...start of a whole new chapter where you have to share your life with that other significant half. go on dates and more gift exchange. there will be those daydreams and sighs thinking about them. loads of message exhange via the wonderful invention of technologies.

guess which pat of the device i ended on after there recent blabbers on my blog ...

take a pick ......

signing off

assignment mountain

A mountain of assignment just dropped on me this month ... I Think I am still coping really am not sure . I seem to be reading my reading list for my assignment but it still wont make sense on what I am suppose to write . not only that the question still isnt making any sense at all either. .... . Frustrations . .... . Frustrations. absolutely no mood to start them and starting them seems like the hardest thing to do right now. sometimes i wish life can be easier. but if it were easier then it would be so boring and dull. so both ways is a loose loose situation.

but on the other hand tomorrow is the day that HE will be coming down ... sigh ... cant wait ... dont know why this feelings of mine towards him still stuck on. i am so excited i can barely breathe. dont know for sure whether we will be going out tomorrow though ... it depends on whether He contacts me tomorrow . its a half half probabilities.

there is also a few decisions hanging in my closest waitting to be solved. firstly on whether I should be going to England this September. I feel the anxiety and all since I would have to adjust again which really does not tickle my fancy of doing ever again( but I guess I have to in life ) . serioulsy dont like the idea of the cold weather there. thinking about it already gives me the creeps.

the other major decision is that if He asks me to be his gf ... should I say yes ?? with the factors of long distance relationship and not being able to see each other anytime soon. because of me being in England. Will our relationship last if we start? partially I have been surviving on the fact that I am living life to the fullest at this moment and that I still love him even though I see him once a year. but placing God first in my life has allow me to learn many things about relationships . looking for the goals that God wants me to do for Him first before looking for my significant other who has the same visions. also the fact that He loves me for who I am really drives me to love him back even more.

somehow or rather my mum seems to dissaprove of him since He is from the countryside and I am a city girl . she thinks that He will not be able to cope with the city life and will not be able to take care of me. it might also be too taxing on him.

well i guess thats all I have to write for now... til next post

far

why do you have to be so far away ,

far from reach

beyond my grasp

beyond us being together

the distance

the kinsman

few of the things

that keeps us apart

thinking about times

just make me sigh

wishing for those

to repeat again

and remain ....

after all these years

you still remain in my heart

i do wonder

will this pain ever depart ...

Valentines

Happy Valentines day everyone !!

overall i did like today and enjoyed it as well as the shock for recieving a boquet of ferra roche to be more exact . ( will up load pictures another day) . wont go into the the boirng details since there wasnt really anything to talk about the guy or the "date" we went out on . got torn into being with three guys today in UNI which was a pretty fun thing i suppose having my coursemates pairing me up with so many. it was pretty amusing.







am pretty glad that i am not committed or having to face an ugly break up for now in my phase of life . freedom just taste so sweet. ( eventhough my heart lies somewhere in someone's heart)




me and my boquet for valentines .