being vunerable

i dont know why but i seem to be always apologizing for not updating my blog. maybe because i tend to only write in it when i really feel the need to. if not i wouldnt care about updating it no matter how free i am .

my life has been mundane and meaningless which got me thinking that i havent actually been doing anything productive for myself . for the first time in life i feel empty with really nothing to excite me or keep me contented for long while. i get bored easily. what has my life come down to... why am i suddenly so lazy and ignorant not wanting to do anything.

and it is in these times which lead to thoughts of whether you regret anything that has happened to you. i know i am not suppose to base what i feel upon one person . but somehow my life has changed because of it ... in fact i understand more what some of my friends are going through.the total change of 180 degrees, i was surprise that a person could change that much but it happens.and it happened to ..........me.

there hasnt been a word said between us since the last text you sent me because i didnt reply back. on the surface i just want to be stubborn and ignore you seeing as you dont care so much about me anymore , but deep down i still question whether you still do hover cause you were just like that even when we were together ..... i know i can never change how you feel and i cant force you do anything for me ..... so i am just going ito leave it in a tiny box at the back of my mind with a really faint flame that you would come back but the odds are definitely against me .

At times i wonder whether you still think about me
At times i wonder whether i mean to you at all
At times i wonder why did it turn out to be
At times i wonder why wont you call

I hate you for ending this
I hate you for putting hope into it
I hate you for making me miss
I hate you for not putting effort in the end one bit.

Just look at what you have turned me into
Just look at what you have done
Just look at what you have to put me through
Just look ....at what ... you have ... done

missing updates

hey readers of my blog ... i know i havent been updating ...times passes really fast and its already a month since i last blogged .

for this entry ill just probably write down what i remember the last few weeks of what i did in cardiff before i left for my tour of UK and Rome.

I remember i went out with Gareth and Audrey the weekend before i had my IP exam . we went to watch Nght at the musuem 2 which was great . i really glad to have spent more time with gareth ... we really bonded this term and yeah now we are great buds. Its been pretty rough year with its ups and downs with him but it all worked out ok in the end. we both gained a good friend out of this, i know i can depend on him and he can depend on me

that same weekend Logos Hope docked at Cardiff Bay. I went down to see Ethan who was on the ship worknbg for 3 months . he told me his experiences and brought us around the ship for free. even got to see the kitchens which actually was a place visitors werent suppose to step into. Thanks Ethan me and my girlfriends enjoyed attending church service on the ship and the tour.

one of the days i went out with a bunch of frnech people. its been a nice year with them because they included me in most of their outings and well they truly dd take care of me when we went clubbing. this time though i met up wth a friend whom he and his friend began to fought over me in the club. both of them gave me lovebites which hurt the next day . and yes this hypergal did went further than she should . totally regret it and never doing it ever again ( p.s. dont worry guys am still a virgin )

then the next day Dr corrie took me to bristol to visit this other old lady , mrs olwen.shes 80 and she is stll so active . playing piano for concerts , weddings, teaching people to play . i really do admire the energy she has .

met up nicole for lunch which i didnt see her for the whole term. finally gettng a day to spend tme with her was the best thing. she cooked me this pasta bake which tasted delicious. then had to rush off to the Pot for a meeting with roselyn which we caught up over coffee. love that restaurant . then had to rush to Xiu mei's house for a farewell party for martina. we also celebrated the birthdays which were going to be in the summer hols where we werent going to meet each other. we went clubbing after the scrumptious dinner. the club we went to was a club for working adults . was pretty funny to see working adults so vunerable but at the same time there were those who could not keep their hands to themselves. there was one who was really nice to me and in fact he wasnt bad looking either . he was from south hampton down with his mates on a short weekend break . he told me he works as a police officer , i expect he was in his early 30s. my friends even went home with him . i couldnt cause i had Cu beach party the next day.

Cu beach party was really wet , it rained the whole day . and we all felt miserable that the rain ruined our day but oh well we made the best of it. we went to mumbles beach , had our bbq in the shade and plenty of hot chocolate and drinks in the pubs and cafe up the road. i stuck on with any, malcom, steve, dai, katherine, which in impulse we all decided to organixe a last get together , with me as the cook . overall i had fun though with this group of people , made me feel so at home. its been a great year with them seeing as we all share the same group of friends.

i met up with tim as well the day of his exams and well just shared a lunch in the park . it was pretty awkward but oh well , it was for the better to establish that we were just friends and no longer and chance of being together ever again. i even bought him a card and gave him a shirt for his birthday which was the weekend 7/6. then the next time i saw him was when we were with the same group of friends we shared , which was phoebe, darren, dai, katherine,oli, helen,tim.it was great beng with them , i always felt welcome when i was around them . they were my support group this year and i wouldnt have made it without them eventhough they were a year older. will treasure their friendships.

the eve of this lunch i had to cook dinner for the last gathering , which i made curry chicken, stir fry veggies and rice . steve, alice mitchell. malcom. amy, katherne, dai ,jager and i invted aliastair since i didnt want to be the odd one out of that group. i guess we all had a great time laughing and taking pictures. its so sad wont be able to see aliastair anymore seeng as he is going to oxford for the next year to work with mini coopers.

then went to london to meet up with Pei xia and we had a makeover with studio london which was really fun . purchased 4 shots , cost me a bomb though , never ever doing these things ever again.and stayed with Uncle Pey kan and aunty Helen . the children were really adorable and sweet . i cant believe that emma is so grown ! i am truly amazed that time has passed so fast .

guess thats all for now ... i'll blog about my trip with my family in the next entry rght now have to go and make dinner talk to you guys soon