massive updates

hey people ,

i know i have been on hiatsu for many months now ... generally could not face my blog as i get too emotional everytime i see my blog . but i guess its time for me to snap out of that mode and start writting again .

The past few months have been a real emotional vunerable journey . needed to do some growing up and well face reality . It has made me realized somewhat that i am truly not a kid anymore and i needed to stand on my own two feet and start thinking about what my next step in life was.

massive emotional overload seeing as everything bad suddenly was happening to me. i decided not to go back to cardiff seeing as i truly felt lost about what i was doing and i realized i was a bare-minimum christian in Cardiff. in fact i would have to confess that i have done somethings which i am not very proud of . but i guess what has happened already is past and cannot be taken back . i only can give one clue guys which is to say that i am still a virgin .

everything has settle and i am close to normal but i do break down sometimes when i start thinking about things ( including the ex, and nothing to look forward to ) i cried every other day and seriously i felt my life had no meaning.

i picked up the little bits left and well decided to take up jobs to fill my time . did a stint in megakids whereby its an indoor playground and had to handle and manage kids. then decided that the work was too hard and the pay was too little and my mum found me a job at her academy to teach english to china students.

well the only things that did give me meaning in my life was church and well looking forward to teen street.

Teenstreet
aaaahhh, the good ole days of teenstreet , i never get bored of it . ( not yet anywayz). this year was totally different as it was a smaller scaled camp and it was in Sarawak. It was in this former minister's bungalow in a place called Goshen.

I got to go as a coach this year which was really excittting. I had two days extra before the teens arrive and those times were relaxing. seeing as the house was really empty and well the coaches had a chance to get to know one another and become closer . ok i always describe people i get to know since my main interest is in people

Che chung - this guy is a pastor ! and he is only 24 ( and engaged ) ... which is awesome ! he has so much passion for Christ . His church is doing reading buses bring books to the village areas in Sarawak and well tuition classes are conducted in this home for lousy . and when i say lousy i mean really poor students who at primary 5 cant even do 8 x 7 .

Barnabas - he first ignored me in the home i was resting when waitting for the rest to arrive to go to the campsite. but when we got to know a lil of each other in the car i realized that he was a much nicer person than that . James even said i brought out a side of him which he hadnt seen before.

James - since i mentioned james ill describe him now . he is this 15 year old guy who has a huge passion for God ( pastor ned and aunty siew may 's son) . he is half indian and half chinese . he was funny to have around to tease each other and well we shared a few experiences with each other .

Adam - well first guy i met as a coach on the van even before barnabas . he was extremely sweet and a real gentleman and wanted to help me in everything. he took food for me cared for my well being and we could chat almost about everything under the sun . we were both very interested to get to know each other better. XD ( in fact ill be going to see his church concert performing at sunway pyramid this saturday will blog about it ) . there may be somethings going on there may be not .... seeing as people saw there was chemistry between us and there were sparks. and a few people mentioned he lighted up whenever i walked into the room :) .... but will see how this friendship goes ...

chester - well he and i were mostly talking about english on the van all the way from the airport to the campsite and in fact it was a rather interesting topic. he is a graduate in linguistics and well he majored in english instead of any other language. i liked the fact that he gave me this really nice bear hug before we left each other at the end of camp.

Shu en - shes the darling , as she was the only other girl coach besides me , we spent quite a bit of time together and well she was the sweetest girl. we called each other darlings during the camp and well had this mutual understanding for each other. we both made a pact somehow that she could hang out with barnabas and i could hang out with adam. cause the CLS teenstreet code said that no boy or no girl could be alone.

Martin - this guy was unexpectedly friendly cause i thought he was the type that if you didnt know him he wouldnt care about you. he included me in a lot of stuff and was actually very down to earth and nice to talk to . guess it happens when you make the effort with someone they would open up to you . he was cool and i adopted him as a lil bro .

oooo the twins at camp were an interesting pair ! - David and Jospeh , I had quite a bit of fun trying to recognize who is who and well got to spend time with David during the photo hunt which i discovered he was afraid of chickens . And i spent time with jospeh on the bus getting to know him better even giving him some tips on how to attract girls not that he isnt capable with how nice he is and actually cute ( i am sure girls his age swoon over him ) but i just gave him a lil more insight.

My net people were really close knit and the people from brunei were a really interesting bunch .

Michelle- straight away saw a younger version of me , and i could immediately advice her on everything . we clicked instantly like two peas in a pod and well eventually she started calling me mummy , which i found really funny. but yeah her way of being friendly towards guy did rub wrongly on some people which i totally understood since i was like that at her age and so i did advice her a lot along the way.

Caroline - another interesting girl ( my second daughter ) . shes a lil tomboyish and girlish but you can definitely see that shes a strong woman in God and in some ways i do admire her strong spirit . but when she broke down during throne room i felt touch and immediately went to care for her .

Wendy- she was this really silent person who just wouldnt open up . but on the last day i found out why she wasnt opening up because she does have a lot on her mind and yeah she was afraid to be judged by leaders in the church . i will continue to pray for her .

Kirsten and Lydia - they are sisters who live in my neighbourhood ack where i came from and being their coach was interesting . they are from first baptist church which do have pretty conservative backgrounds and are also pretty innocent. it was good to help them along the way with the struggles of christianity that wasnt really working out in their church.

Tabitha- a sister of one of teenstreet mates during contagious . ( i cant believe i am coaching the younger sis now ) . she was pretty quiet but she did have some struggle to share during our net times which were really insightful and helped the girls to open up more.

aileen - she was this singaporean girl who barely said two words in our net discussion and she ddint really participated well in our net , even when we were doing a dancing competition in the main hall towards a malay song. we had to really chide her to join us

the fact that i played this swedish game and i won our two games makes me so proud . I never felt this way about a sport before and it really boost up my confidence in trying new things and sports . peter the swedish guy even told me i could qualify for the european league ... hehe

shhh time this year varied , previous years all i did was observe nature and walked the grounds of KTJ . this year however i did 3 days of that and two days i stayed inside. i took photo of leaves , ants on a wire , the scenery surrounding the campsite . i wrote a poem on one day and the last day i just spent praying to God about which ministry to choose and to serve in when i come back to church . ( i have been asked to serve in five which makes me distress about which to choose ) .

i really do treasure the friendships i made this year at teenstreet because they were different from all the previous years .

Stop the drop: Recognize , Reject, Remove the idols from your lives
Live for the Lord : the Lord of Life , Law , Love
Go for God: Get in , Get up , Get out ,

The theme was Human to make us fully realize that was humans in comparison to God we are more sinful in nature and what were the steps we took to make sure that we turn more towards God .

i guess thats it ... if you read til here i applaude you seeing as this was a really long post