being vunerable

i dont know why but i seem to be always apologizing for not updating my blog. maybe because i tend to only write in it when i really feel the need to. if not i wouldnt care about updating it no matter how free i am .

my life has been mundane and meaningless which got me thinking that i havent actually been doing anything productive for myself . for the first time in life i feel empty with really nothing to excite me or keep me contented for long while. i get bored easily. what has my life come down to... why am i suddenly so lazy and ignorant not wanting to do anything.

and it is in these times which lead to thoughts of whether you regret anything that has happened to you. i know i am not suppose to base what i feel upon one person . but somehow my life has changed because of it ... in fact i understand more what some of my friends are going through.the total change of 180 degrees, i was surprise that a person could change that much but it happens.and it happened to ..........me.

there hasnt been a word said between us since the last text you sent me because i didnt reply back. on the surface i just want to be stubborn and ignore you seeing as you dont care so much about me anymore , but deep down i still question whether you still do hover cause you were just like that even when we were together ..... i know i can never change how you feel and i cant force you do anything for me ..... so i am just going ito leave it in a tiny box at the back of my mind with a really faint flame that you would come back but the odds are definitely against me .

At times i wonder whether you still think about me
At times i wonder whether i mean to you at all
At times i wonder why did it turn out to be
At times i wonder why wont you call

I hate you for ending this
I hate you for putting hope into it
I hate you for making me miss
I hate you for not putting effort in the end one bit.

Just look at what you have turned me into
Just look at what you have done
Just look at what you have to put me through
Just look ....at what ... you have ... done