rant on

i know its been ages since i updated my blog and i am sorry to those who have been expecting something from me to be written.

if you knew my whole situation you would understand why i havent been in the mood to write . i know people say that when you feel down in emotions you should write it to make it feel better but seriously i had no mood to face my dear little ole blog.

the emotions that i have been feeling for the past few weeks have been really complicated. you could say that it is too hard for a 19 year old like me to understand. i have been trying to take this as maturedly as possible but break down at the slightest things that reminded me of the times i had with him.

i know that the both of us had learnt a lot from this short stint of a relationship and we both care a lot for each other . to put it spiritually , God has taught me a lot in this too. i learnt how to be humble to summit to someone and to depend more on myself instead of living up to other people expectations. why didnt this relationship continue you may ask? just to put it in exact words like he said ... we are both on different pars and levels of expectations for a relationship and it will never come to the same level. he in fact is less matured in some ways and i am in my ways which would never be compatible to each other.

I have been thinking loads about this that at times my brain just felt that it wanted to explode. it really has been too hard on my frail body . i lost sleep , i cried my eyes out and even yelled at the top of my lungs . my housemates, who normally dont really care about me were even shock and well came to my aid and were there for me .

from one discussion with a a friend we have discovered that asian values towards friendship and the british values are different. british people not to offend anyone are well not willing to go out all the way for a person and care, not as much as an asian anyway . i mean yeah there are those asian which can be selfish too . but seriously people it was a really touching experience when some brisith people went all out for me and were there to support me . i nearly cried and was really touched ... especially when my ex tried to change and open up to me . that feeling is really indescribable.

overall i do not regret in any way that i was in that relationship as it was a really interesting experience . as quotes say ... life would be boring without the ups and downs.

i guess thats about what i have to rant on til next time ;)