a downer for me

hey guys ,

i just dont get my mum .... she acts as if i am like a refugee of the house which i dont really like it at all. when shes angry and all then she will say things like you are shit , you cant even be a good daughter, cant even be like jia lin ,might as well be the maid of the house you dont have to study , wait one more year ...sure.... you have loads of time !!!!

this is all she can say and well when she doesnt have any control anymore she just well slaps me , with anything she has , if she doesnt have anything then she'll probably just use her hand , or pull my hair ....

my feelings right now come from all directions , not just being sad. there is dissapointment, self pity, being put down, missing a ton of people( especially those that mean a lot in my life , the ones from P ), boredom, the feeling of not wanting to do anything... although you have to. i dunno its just a whole lot of emotions that i dont want to feel anymore... i sometimes wish i dont have to feel then i dont have to feel all this pain.

but as Mouth said in One tree hill, "give me all the pain and regrets if i could have the good feelings too "

so i shouldnt feel this way about life i should take it in stride and go through the trials and tribulations. many lessons have to be learnt in life. some directly and others may take longer. i am a person who takes it the hard way more than the direct way.cause well i never been able to see things in the whole picture. Not saying this next part to praise myself but a lot of people said i was matured .... behind the scenes really i dont feel matured at all ... my mum tends to have a way to treat me like a child i can never act matured around her . i dont even know whether is it my fault or hers. i know it isnt suppose to be her fault since she is my mom. but sometimes there has to be a compromise and everything that is done seems to have to be her way . i only wish there could be a talking term between the both of us . to have a better understanding with her and all.

miss you a lot ...hope everything is going according to what you want ... i dunno what is well going on with you now but i pray that everything is alright. i will be just here waitting for you to realise the real me and that the potiential we have. i will be parting soon from this country and will be oceans apart from you ...... in souls wise i hope to always be there for you ...even if we arent going to meet again. Pain is something each of us has to deal with from different aspects of life. some may have to deal with it more than others and have to overcome it more. some findit harder to overcome than others and take more time.... people take time to fully understand themselves sometimes they end up not having enough time to finish thta joruney and eventually leave behind this world .